Manziel Escapes The City And Heads For The Burbs, Destined For Hall Of Fame
The air is cleaner. The birds are chirpier. The people are friendlier. The yards are kept. The crime is nonexistent. Food tastes better. Hot moms flood the streets with their hot mom friends and curl 3 lb. dumbbells up and down the sidewalks. The street punks roll around on Schwinns and wear collared shirts.
It’s all part of the #BurbLife, a lifestyle I’ve fully adapted to and enjoyed since last summer. I never fully understood what dominating life was all about until I escaped the distractions of the big city and moved out to my golfing community just west of Austin. Now my shit’s on lock. Things at work are really taking off for me, I’m in better shape, my 401 (k) is flush, and my dick is even bigger.
Johnny Manziel gets it. After a brief stint in rehab, Manziel is looking for a fresh start in new surroundings. He recently moved out of his high rise condo in Cleveland’s Metropolitan at The 9 — where he was allegedly involved in an assault — and has settled into a quaint, suburban golf community.
From ESPN:
The Browns quarterback has moved out of his downtown Cleveland apartment and into a golf course community in a suburb west of town, according to a source.
Golf has been a constructive outlet for Manziel since his return, the source said.
Hmu for a home-and-home golf series, Johnny. Burb style. We’ll see if you can handle the sharp undulations of the Texas hill country.
Back to football. Look for Johnny to secure the starting QB spot and throw for about a million yards this season. Let’s get this guy measured for a gold jacket already, damn.
[via ESPN]
Image via Instagram/ @jmanziel2
Dorn thinks a 401(k) means 401(kids). Keep contributing, chief.
11 years ago at 7:11 pmCome on, guy. Try harder.
11 years ago at 7:17 pm🙁 I thought it was funny. I’ll stop now.
11 years ago at 7:20 pmDon’t be a fucking Eugene! Better not jinx him Dorn.
11 years ago at 7:27 pmLiving in the city is for people who need to feel important to mask their own insecurity. Waste of money to live in a box and never have any privacy or a moment of peace and quiet. Inner suburbs, a hassle free commutable distance are the way to go.
11 years ago at 10:18 pmYeah but you’re from Jersey so A) you’re wrong no matter what and B) your town sucks regardless of where it’s located in the state
11 years ago at 12:01 amI’m all for the Jersey hate, but a fairly large portion of Jersey is very suburban and very wealthy. I’m also pro-Hoboken, which is a city for young grads that probably commute 15 minutes to Manhattan. Place is my sanctuary.
11 years ago at 11:27 am15 mins is a vast overestimate. 5 mins from Wall Street. Living in Hoboken is more convenient than any other borough, if proximity to Manhattan is your goal. However, you kind of need to move on by your late 20’s or you become the creepy guy at Texas Arizona.
11 years ago at 12:26 pmI was referring to the ride to 33rd street, but yea it can be a 5 minute ride if you’re talking Wall Street or even Christopher Street.
I’ll be hitting up McSwiggans until I drop dead.
11 years ago at 3:24 pmWhat the hell? Just last year dude was rippin lines and wheeling dimes why retire to the suburbs so early that’s like leaving the party at 11 after fingering a few chicks on the dance floor
11 years ago at 11:59 pmI think I’ll take the 1,000 acre ranch out in the middle of West Texas.
11 years ago at 1:08 amHe’s just doing what we all did sophomore year. Getting our shit together
11 years ago at 5:11 am*Senior year.
11 years ago at 7:41 am