Map Of The Lamest Party Schools In The Nation Will Make You Glad You Don’t Go There

The map is actually called the “The Tamest Party Schools In The Nation,” but let’s call it what it really is: the lamest. The only time you’d find me on one of these campuses would be if I stumbled upon it drunkenly, only to piss on the grass while shouting obscenities at the rent-a-cops. While we’re all loading up on kegs for the return to the fraternity houses and our favorite bars, these kids are actually buying books and probably a ton of pocket protectors. Take a look at the map for yourself.

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After going through the list, I can only name two schools: Wyoming and BYU. You would think that Wyoming would be a college where all they do is drink. Is there anything else to do there? I’ve literally lived in Texas all my life and never once have I heard of Southwestern Assemblies of God University. I honestly thought it was made up, like in “Accepted.” You learn something new every day, huh?

I can imagine Greek life at these schools is a lot like that fraternity that has the lame parties. During rush, these guys pitched their parties as the greatest ones on campus, but the photo and video evidence always proves they’re a bunch of sausage fests. Just as their party spiels didn’t help with recruiting new members, this map won’t do much good for colleges trying to bring in top-tier talent. So, cheers to all those who go to a school that isn’t on this list. As Robert Earl Keen says, “The road goes on forever, and the party never ends.”

[via E College Finder]

  1. Matty Irish

    I’m only familiar with two of these schools. I most likely would have gone the rest of my life without ever knowing any of these schools existed if it weren’t for this article.

    10 years ago at 1:49 pm
  2. caretofrat

    Asbury in KY is a theological school. So anti party that there is a strict door open policy and curfew in place.

    10 years ago at 1:54 pm
    1. Uldelt5

      I went to school there for a year. You have to sign a contract that you will refrain from premarital sex, tobacco, and alcohol ( no matter how old you are ) or you won’t be admitted. That place sucks the big one, luckily UK was close enough I just went and partied there.

      10 years ago at 11:12 pm
  3. WesleyMantooth

    They should redo this by listing the lamest schools in each state that belong to the major conferences. Anybody can make a list of obscure Christian Schools and remedial poly-techs.

    10 years ago at 2:01 pm
  4. BlackBalled

    The University of Wyoming is listed only because it is the only 4 year university in Wyoming. Playboy Magazine “retired” the University from its list of top party schools because they were the number 1 party school for numerous years in a row.
    “In heaven there is no beer–NO BEER. That’s why we drink it here–RIGHT HERE. When we’re gone from here, our friends will be drinking all the beer…”

    10 years ago at 2:05 pm
  5. BallsTate

    A girl at Taylor University used to drive 40 minutes to Muncie to get the D from me every other day of the week. Ball State gladly accepts Taylor U refugees.

    10 years ago at 2:13 pm
  6. In_need_of_a_Sig

    University of Maryland University College (awful name btw) shouldn’t even be on there because it’s not even a traditional university. It’s a school for people who work full time and have to either take on-line courses or commute for night classes. There’s no “partying” done at all since no one lives on-campus. You can go to UMD for that which isn’t far.

    10 years ago at 2:14 pm
  7. titsmcgeeee

    From SAGU’s website:

    All applicants admitted for studies at Southwestern must evidence a born again spiritual experience as defined by the following passages of Scripture: John 3:3; Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 2:11; 3:5-7; and I John 1:7-10. Applicants are expected to have accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and Lord and be striving to live a Christian lifestyle. A Christian character reference is required (not required for licensed or ordained ministers with the Assemblies of God or other recognized denominations) as part of the application process.

    10 years ago at 2:16 pm
  8. BROmcy

    I’m from New Jersey. I didn’t even recognize that logo or school. Please change this to Rowan or Monmouth immediately.

    10 years ago at 2:22 pm
    1. SlayinTS717

      So am I and lets be real, Willy P is where you want to be if you failed HS and couldn’t get a fun college. Its barely ahead of a community college

      10 years ago at 7:18 pm
      1. RUsux

        Ha. Rutgers. Hahahaha. WHat a shithole. Dirty locals and weekend warriors. Never a good time – NJ has some shitty places of higher learning but at least they arent the sad state ru is.

        10 years ago at 5:22 am
    2. CaseyJonesCocaine

      Rowan and Monmouth blow. Stockton isn’t a huge party school but the Greeks hold this school up. Plus, we have AC ten minutes away.

      10 years ago at 4:58 pm