Map Of The Lamest Party Schools In The Nation Will Make You Glad You Don’t Go There

The map is actually called the “The Tamest Party Schools In The Nation,” but let’s call it what it really is: the lamest. The only time you’d find me on one of these campuses would be if I stumbled upon it drunkenly, only to piss on the grass while shouting obscenities at the rent-a-cops. While we’re all loading up on kegs for the return to the fraternity houses and our favorite bars, these kids are actually buying books and probably a ton of pocket protectors. Take a look at the map for yourself.

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After going through the list, I can only name two schools: Wyoming and BYU. You would think that Wyoming would be a college where all they do is drink. Is there anything else to do there? I’ve literally lived in Texas all my life and never once have I heard of Southwestern Assemblies of God University. I honestly thought it was made up, like in “Accepted.” You learn something new every day, huh?

I can imagine Greek life at these schools is a lot like that fraternity that has the lame parties. During rush, these guys pitched their parties as the greatest ones on campus, but the photo and video evidence always proves they’re a bunch of sausage fests. Just as their party spiels didn’t help with recruiting new members, this map won’t do much good for colleges trying to bring in top-tier talent. So, cheers to all those who go to a school that isn’t on this list. As Robert Earl Keen says, “The road goes on forever, and the party never ends.”

[via E College Finder]

  1. imacultclassic

    I’ve been to two of these universities and there is zero Greek presence at either. SwAGU’s closest equivalent was the B.o.B (brothers of barbeque) at the now defunct (and smelly) all guys dorm. It is mainly a pastoral ministries school, so not exactly fair to list here.

    10 years ago at 4:31 pm
  2. Carolina_deltasig

    Montreat is the Presbyterian capital of the United States. Billy graham lives there and property value is sky high. No use to be on the list.

    10 years ago at 4:32 pm
  3. HailToTheFratctors

    I go to Michigan, which is located 10 minutes away from Spring Arbor University. Can confirm they suck donkey ass.

    10 years ago at 4:51 pm
  4. nukenate

    Bullshit on Virginia. The Virginia Military Institute is probably the worst party school there is in the State.

    10 years ago at 5:39 pm
    1. Da_Cracken

      Not that I’ve been to any other colleges, but LU really isn’t THAT bad. Lynchburg’s surrounded by plenty of country and backroads, so if you try, it’s not very hard to get a party going.

      10 years ago at 10:10 pm
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    10 years ago at 5:55 pm
  6. tbean

    I went to George Fox in Oregon and most of the students there (myself included) specifically chose GFU *because* of it’s lack of “party culture”. It was fantastic going four years without having to worry about drunken frat boys or police-attracting raves on campus. People choose to go there for the academics and NOT the hangovers. The school even linked this article on their facebook page because they wear it as a badge of honor!

    10 years ago at 6:08 pm
  7. wiso2016

    Stunned Notre Dame didn’t roll up hard, with their single sex dorms, parietals and “ring by spring” policies

    10 years ago at 6:16 pm
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    10 years ago at 6:43 pm