Most Appropriate And Inappropriate Names In Sports

Bill Belichick's Sweatshirt12 years ago

There are many reasons why we love sports: the competition, the camaraderie, the sheer athleticism. But we can’t forget the great names of some of these athletes…

Great sports names come in a variety of forms. Here are Top 10 names in two categories.

Sport-Appropriate: It seems that these athletes were destined to play a certain sport.

1. Anna Smashnova – Russian born tennis player.

2. Usain Bolt – Sprinter and possible future soccer star, if he gets his way. Brother of fictional super sprinter Insane Bolt.

3. Luc Longley – 7’2″ basketball player from Australia.

4. Quentin Jammer – NFL Cornerback who, according to his scouting report, is best at jamming opposing WRs.

5. Ernie Hole – Let’s go way back on this one. He was an offensive lineman in 1920 and 1921.

6. Mack Strong – NFL Fullback. Made his name smashing into defenders to open holes for Shaun Alexander.

7. Mike Stonebreaker – Former Notre Dame Linebacker. He played one season with the Chicago Bears in 1991.

8. Tim Duncan – The Big Fundamental wouldn’t have have made the list if he had stuck with swimming. He clearly made the right choice. Now that he’s gotten older, he should change his name to Tim Layin.

9. Rollie Fingers – With an incredible mustache, this retired relief pitcher could be on a few top 10 lists. For a guy who utilizes various finger positioning to get his job done, I couldn’t leave him off of this one.

10. Brandon Belt – First baseman for the San Francisco Giants. Announcers never miss an opportunity to point out that he “really belted that one.”

The Homophones: Better known as the “Dick/Ass/Vag” names.

1. Lucious Pusey – Former football player at Eastern Illinois University.

2. HaHa Clinton-Dix – University of Alabama defensive back. His real name is Ha’Sean, but naturally he goes by HaHa.

3. Ivana Mandic – Played hoops at the University of Carolina at Charlotte. Isn’t she an Austin Powers character?

4. Harry Colon – Former NFL Defensive back, played in the ’90s.

5. Rusty Kuntz – Former baseball player, now serves as the Royal’s first base coach.

6. DeWanna Bonner – Forward for the Phoenix Mercury of the WNBA. But no thanks, I’m good.

7. Jim Bob Cooter – Played QB at Tennessee, and with a name like Jim Bob, Tennessee was a perfect fit.

8. Jack Glasscock – Played shortstop from 1879-1895, and was one of the best during the bare-handed era. Even if he wasn’t wearing a glove, I hope he was wearing a cup.

9. Kyle Sackrider – Former tight end at Michigan State. If he was a defensive end, he could have been included in the previous category.

10. Dick Pole – Former MLB pitcher and pitching coach with a no-nonsense name.

Leave other names that have been left off these lists in the comments section…