Most Hated GDI of the Week: The “Skater”

Just when you think you’re bound for an incident-free saunter to the classroom, this detestable breed of GDI comes flying in on his longboard, fiercely cutting into your direct path of motion and making you stumble in the process. Before you even have time to react, or even pipe in a “Fuck you,” the skater is long gone. My Chemical Romance t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all.

If the previous scenario sounds familiar, it’s because that’s exactly what’s happening literally every day on college campuses nationwide. Somewhere in these feeble skater’s minds they have decided that their glorified planks with wheels are acceptable for use after maturing past the tender age of 11. I’m sorry, but unless you’re getting paid for it (you talentless fucks), any type of “skating” is not an acceptable action for a young adult. And even those that do get paid for it are all mediocre-at-best human beings, as watching any 4 seconds of the X-games will plainly show.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to share a sidewalk with these vermin, I admit. I openly despise bicyclists, for example, but at least they have their own lane and don’t have to fuck my day up via collision. And at least most cyclists dress appropriately (read: like a flaming homosexual) for their commute. Skaters instead choose to either dress exceptionally baggy, lost in a sea of Volcolm, or with a combination of uncomfortably tight sperm killing “threads.”

I admit, I was always a little jealous of people who had skateboards growing up. And then I turned 12.

Now, I know I’m being pretty specific with the “Skater” thing, but I feel like any unconventional means of transportation on campus can fall into this category. I’m talking to you, kid who rides a Razor Scooter to class. Not only are those scooters a horribly inefficient means to get from A to B, they literally aren’t big enough for a grown person to operate. If “wheelie bar” is a possible addition to your on-campus vehicle of choice, then maybe you need to put down the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic book and come back from 1996.

I know this may be hard to believe, but there are actually Greeks among us who choose these miserable forms of transportation for their own. I’m here to tell them plainly: stop. I don’t care if it’s a skateboard, a longboard, or a God damn two-by-four with shopping cart wheels glued to the bottom, just fucking walk. It’s usually pretty difficult to take someone seriously when they walk around inside carrying an obnoxious board adorned with flames or lizards or some other pitiful graphic-tee-esque collage. If we really are the “leaders of tomorrow” it’s about time we started acting like it.

  1. Frat on sir

    I saw the pic and thought it was fail friday. I don’t want to read this horse shit.

    13 years ago at 1:23 pm
    1. fratman99

      Pretty sure the point of the column is to show how horrible skaters are, so why would there be a cool picture? Asshole.

      13 years ago at 12:09 am
    2. Dolly

      I really hate skate boards. My new strategy is to close my eyes and push people off of them. So far, it has worked really well. NOTE: it is imperative one yells, “I am going to be run over,” before pushing a person off of a skateboard. It also helps to be pretty and skinny. 😉

      13 years ago at 10:45 pm
  2. Bob Barker is my bro

    The worst are those skateboard things with 2 wheels that you have to swing your legs around to get going

    13 years ago at 1:31 pm
    1. shooter

      Try not to look like a complete ass clown riding one of those.

      Better yet, avoid it altogether.

      13 years ago at 5:04 pm
    2. rooster cogburn

      Im about to go RipStikin around myself and see if theres any eleven-year-old chickadees who wanna get the rooster treatment! ooooowwwwwww

      13 years ago at 8:33 am
  3. Year Around Frat

    I’ve always hated skaters. Ultimately it’s about the lifestyle and image associated with it because I guess for some it could just be a fun hobby. Kind of like one of my most hated GDIs, the guitar playing douche. Many fraternity people can strum a guitar but the lifestyle of trying to be that smooth musical rebel is so fucking annoying.

    13 years ago at 1:36 pm
    1. OnlyJorjaPeaches

      Amen. Express your uniqueness through your work/actions not in your clothes and outward appearance,

      13 years ago at 2:27 pm
  4. TFTP

    StuffFratPeopleLike, i see where you’re coming from, but skateboarding is about as misunderstood as any recreational pastime could be and i believe you just haven’t encountered the right skaters. I used to love skateboarding as a kid, and naturally lost interest in high school when drugs and women became the focal points of life, but in my collegiate years have taken great pleasure in shredding the gnar every now and again. i do go to an urban school with a small greek community, and certainly dont skate on the sidewalk in the way of pedestrians, so i guess my interaction with others as a skateboarder is less abrasive. But whats not frat about a dangerous activity, intoxication being a prerequisite, that ultimately tears your whole brooks bros getup to pieces when you hit a taxi at full speed? so fuck off. but really i guess there’s nothing more frat than being hypocritical and narrow-minded so i dont blame you for your opinion.

    13 years ago at 1:56 pm
    1. The_Light

      Ruining Brooks Borthers by skateboarding. NF. Ruining Brooks Brothers by jumping in the hot tub. TFTC.

      13 years ago at 2:06 pm
    2. TFTP

      fair enough, skating is a lower class activity… at least i dont rely on it as a mode of transportation

      13 years ago at 2:26 pm
    3. theKAdream

      Skating in the frat castle parking lot TFTC?
      But overall i agree with TFTP if you enjoy it then do it.
      Just not around campus…

      13 years ago at 2:39 pm
    4. INazeHiggers

      TFTP, the amount of GDI horse-shit contained in your comment is absolutely appalling.

      13 years ago at 3:23 pm
    5. TheFratitier

      Kneeboarding on the river while drinking heavily. It doesn’t get much better than that.

      13 years ago at 5:14 pm
    6. fuckingyoursister

      “naturally lost interest in high school when drugs and women became the focal points of life” Are y’all fucking kidding me? This kid is going places in his life.

      13 years ago at 6:56 pm
    7. MightBePike

      Well, I guess people don’t know a sophisticated troll when they see one. This guy just wants to get you goin’ and it looks like he succeeded. Don’t give this geed any more attention than you would a real skater. A simple “fuck you” works.

      13 years ago at 7:52 pm
    1. The Frat Czar

      those should not exist and anyone who owns them should be dragged into the street and publicly executed.

      13 years ago at 4:31 pm
    2. MightBePike

      Someone who worked for me at a summer job back in high school had one of those. I felt it was my duty as a contributing member of the greek community to “educate” him and his error.

      13 years ago at 7:54 pm
  5. Itsadeepburn

    i saw a skater getting nailed by a Prius in the parking lot the other day, it was glorious

    13 years ago at 2:42 pm
    1. Fratfaced

      Being the creep who watches while a Prius and a skater have sex in public. TFM.

      13 years ago at 3:13 pm
    2. agger1235

      So long as neither were serviceable after the collision, aren’t we all the winners?

      13 years ago at 3:39 pm
  6. Go Frat Win

    I see Razor Scooters more and more everyday on campus. Fuckers even think they can ride through the university center on them.

    13 years ago at 2:51 pm
    1. liberals are NF

      The scooter pledge is the exception. Find the fattest or tallest/lankiest pledge you’ve got and tell me that shit isn’t funny

      13 years ago at 4:23 pm
  7. At least skateboarding takes some kind of skill, don’t get me started on those long board (longboard?)( fuck if I know) punks

    13 years ago at 3:07 pm
    1. The Frat Czar

      it’s a longer, faster skateboard. It’s used more for transportation as opposed to tricks.

      13 years ago at 1:19 pm