Never Again Will I Gamble On Monday Night Football

Dent7 years ago

Over the years, Lambeau Field has been a place where opponents’ dreams have gone to die. This has been especially true for their divisional rival, the Detroit Lions, who going into Monday night’s game, had only managed to make it out of Green Bay with a win one time in the last 23 years. TWENTY-THREE YEARS…that’s my whole lifetime, people.

But it wasn’t the Lions who were left taking the L Monday evening. With Aaron Rodgers out for the season, and Brett Hundley left to try to right the ship, the Packers simply couldn’t compete. Their depleted roster allowed Detroit to come in and get their second dub in the last 23 years. Instead, taking the Lions place as the latest victims of the ghost of Curly Lambeau, were idiot gamblers like myself.

I don’t know what to say about this one. Somewhere deep inside my dumb brain, it seemed like large, neon, flashing, arrows with blaring bells and screeching whistles were all pointing under, under, under. Given the Lions history in Green Bay, the fact that they seem to always be in down to the wire games, and the Packers QB situation, with the line at 43 (shouts MyBookie.ag), it had to be a lock. So naturally, I let what little was left of my latest TFM paycheck ride on it.

It certainly seemed like things were going to work out too, as with 1:45 left in the game, the Lions hit a field goal to make the total 41. So long as the Packers didn’t miraculously execute a perfect two minute drill with no timeouts left in a meaningless attempt to make the final score look less pathetic, we’d be gucci. Then it happened…

Feverishly, these cheesehead fucks scrambled their way down the field. Hundley decided to put on his Halloween costume a week late and masquerade as Aaron Rodgers, as he made a couple of outlandishly good throws. I panicked as I realized the money that I needed to pay for my monthly subscription to Frannie Does Farm Animals was in jeopardy of being lost. Alas, with seven seconds remaining, the Packers got off one final play. I was finally able to exhale as Hundley’s pass was broken up in the end zone as time expired.

But something was off. “Why isn’t anyone leaving the field? Shouldn’t the coaches be meeting at the 50 to do that fakeass handshake by now?” I asked myself.

Then I realized it — there was a flag. Pass interference on the defense. Ball will be placed on the one.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With ZERO seconds remaining, the Packers punched in a touchdown to cement the over, and my chances of getting to see Frannie get frisky went straight down the tubes.

For those who don’t know, this is the second time that I have suffered a beat like this in the final seconds of a Monday night game. Frankly, my wallet heart cannot take anymore of that kind of stress. For that reason, I am officially giving notice of my retirement from gambling — on Monday nights. .

Image via Shutterstock