New Study Finds The Top 10 Heaviest Drinking Cities In America

If you like hipsters, move to Portland. If you like barbecue, move to Kansas City. If you like being a filthy, degenerate alcoholic who’ll drink rubbing alcohol they ran through a Brita filter just to chase away their violent, Michael J. Fox-esque morning shakes, move to Knoxville, Tennessee. Why Knoxville? According to a recent study conducted by Sharecare, it’s the heaviest drinking city in America (first for men, fourth for women).

Knoxville’s title as the heaviest drinking city in America, while random, is certainly not surprising. A college town with little else to do seems like the perfect breeding ground for raging alcoholics. Sure, party cities like New Orleans or Austin are full of drinkers, but never underestimate the overwhelming need to drink to forget how miserable of a place you’re in. It consumes you.

Top 10 Heaviest Drinking Cities For Men

1. Knoxville, TN
2. Louisville, KY
3. Greenville, SC
4. Oklahoma City, OK
5. Portland, OR
6. Greensboro, NC
7. Jacksonville, FL
8. Las Vegas, NV
9. Cincinnati, OH
10. Nashville, TN

Top 10 Heaviest Drinking Cities For Women

1. Memphis, TN
2. Salt Lake City, UT
3. Jacksonville, FL
4. Knoxville, TN
5. Columbus, OH
6. Greenville, SC
7. Louisville, KY
8. Raleigh, NC
9. Cincinnati, OH
10. Oklahoma City, OK

A few thoughts on the list:

– Hipster bros must be crushing microbrews in Portland.

– Most of these cities fall under the “there’s nothing else to do but get blackout” category.

– Despite my affinity for drinking, the fact that Jacksonville makes both lists somehow makes it seem depressing, not fun. It’s the only one I feel that way about. God, that place sounds terrible.

– Salt Lake City coming out of nowhere for the ladies. To be fair, being a woman in Utah sounds awful. I’d drink heavily too. #SisterWifeStruggle

– Memphis is the number one drinking city for women, but makes the least heavy drinking cities for men. Not really sure how that works, but I guess the only non-tourists on Beale Street are the women and the little black kids doing gymnastics.

– The relatively short stretch of I-71 between Louisville and Cincinnati must be littered with empty beer cans and bourbon bottles. That is the most concentrated alcoholic area in America, according to this survey.

[via Yahoo!]

***

    1. FDM

      I thought the same thing. The fact that WI is not on here at all makes me think that they did it wrong.

      11 years ago at 11:33 am
    2. Kappa Significant

      Really glad to see this comment here. No way this list was done correctly, Milwaukees gotta be top 3.

      11 years ago at 10:04 am
  1. Six_Thirty

    The average Wisconsinite would drink any of these cities under the table, call it a good pregame and go to a bar.

    11 years ago at 11:31 am
    1. Party_Pat

      Yes, because of FL/GA, 4th of July, and TPC. Also the fact that its the largest city in America and the highest population in Florida and an average age of 31.

      11 years ago at 12:13 pm
      1. Christen_81

        It’s the largest in square footage land wise, not the largest by population.

        11 years ago at 8:40 am
    2. PatrickBateman12

      It’s the largest in size of city (square miles) within the contiguous states, Anchorage, AL is the largest.

      11 years ago at 10:51 am
    3. Binge

      AL indicates the state of Alabama. Anchorage is in Alaska, stylized by the letters AK. Suck a big ol’ dick.

      11 years ago at 1:27 pm
    1. rocky of brohio

      okay yeah a strict super expensive city will be on this list. keep hoping lib, maybe someday Boston will allow bars to stay open past 1230 on new years.

      11 years ago at 1:17 am
  2. FUBAR1776

    These cities must know the darkest shade of black out there for New Orleans and Austin to not have made it.

    11 years ago at 11:48 am
  3. Col_Reb_is_my_mascot

    Top for drinking, number 3 in social networks, and number 8 in happy marriages. Fuck it, I’m moving to K-Town.

    11 years ago at 11:49 am