No, Kelsey Plum Can’t Throw Farther Than Me

Dillon Cheverere8 years ago

My mentions have been exploding ever since this video hit the internet last night. It’s even the first thing I had to hear about when I walked into the office this morning.

Kelsey Plum, the number one pick in the WNBA Draft, threw a t-shirt very far into the crowd at Tuesday’s Spurs playoff game, and the internet is abuzz about it.

Great form, nice little crow hop, very impressive arm strength. The rolled-up t-shirt sails to the upper part of the lower bowl. The girl is obviously a hell of an athlete, and like I’ve said a million times before, you’re either born with the ability to throw things well, or you aren’t. Very few people are born with this level of throwing ability. It’s a gift. And Kelsey was bestowed this very rare, athletic gift.

But so was I.

She might be in the 99.9999th percentile of women throwers on the planet, but I’m in the 99.99th of men, and that’s good enough.

Many people are chirping at me, saying I’ve met my match, or that Kelsey would be a good challenger in a long toss competition, or that she can flat out throw farther than me. Here’s one of thousands of examples:

Okay, Fatrick. Okay, everyone else.

How quicklyyyyyy people forget what I can do with a ball in my hands. We can go to the film if you want to. Want to see my arm strength? Want to see what a 65-yard football heave looks like? Cool, watch me destroy a college quarterback in his prime. Want a taste of what I can do in a combine setting that tests raw athletic ability? We have a video for that, too. First place in every event.

The tape matters very little, however. In a society of “women are equals,” they still, and always will, lack in raw athleticism compared to men. It’s why the WNBA exists, and why women can’t break into the MLB, NFL, or NHL. It’s not because team GMs are sexist; it’s because no matter how good a woman is at a given sport, there will always be a male who will be able to perform that job better, and GMs are in the business of winning.

And no matter how far Kelsey Plum can throw a football, baseball, softball, rock, pine cone, or rolled-up tee shirt, I will always be able to throw it farther..

P.S. Shoutout to Producer Micah for getting some air time at his side hustle.