Norts Under An Oversized T-Shirt Is The Ugliest Outfit A Girl Can Wear
I was sitting in Austin staple ThunderCloud Subs enjoying a hot pastrami sandwich a couple weeks back when I suddenly lost my appetite. No, not because fellow TFM writer Boosh was there and happened to be regaling one of our coworkers with the story about that one time he jerked off with a microwaved banana peel — I’d heard that story plenty of times already and have become immune to its whimsy. It was because of the college-aged girl who happened to enter the restaurant.
This wasn’t a bad looking girl, as you’d imagine her to be from my reaction. Her attire, however, when judging her holistically, forced me to overrule that initial reckoning. She was wearing an outfit so heinous that I would have squeezed lemon segments into my eyes to ease the pain had ThunderCloud not moved all fruit to make it inaccessible to guests after hearing Boosh was coming in that day.
‘Twas the stereotypical sorority outfit: norts underneath an oversized T-shirt. Nike sneakers, too, but I don’t have a problem with that. Those are just some good shoes.
The ensemble in question turns every girl it touches into an amorphous blob. This girl in ThunderCloud woke up that morning and was completely normal looking, even after she put on the norts. That all changed, though, when she threw on the oversized purple shirt, which caused her body to instantly and miraculously change shape. It’s like she’s a bootleg version of one of the Wonder Twins, and contact with her shirt activates her superpower: the ability to transform into an unflatteringly-shaped purple entity.
“Wonder Betch power, activate! Form of…
… a misshapen eggplant!
… a dark chocolate hershey kiss!
… a transgender version of popular McDonald’s mascot Grimace!”
I get it. If girls want to, they can dress to be comfortable instead of to impress the opposite sex. There’s no law that says girls need to always be ready for dudes to feast their eyes upon them. That’s obviously completely fine, too. I do the same thing when I wear Hawaiian shirts, Birkenstocks (hate on it, haters), and short jorts.
The difference here, ladies, is that when men dress comfortably, we still maintain a semblance of aesthetic appeal, regardless of your attitude towards the clothes we’re wearing. Because, when it comes down to it, we may be wearing clothes you think are ugly, but they’re still — you guessed it — clothes. Norts underneath an oversized T-shirt is not clothing. Not normal clothes, at least. At the very best, it’s pajamas, and at the very least, it’s an eyesore. It makes girls look like a bunch of Pac-Man ghosts running around campus, and, if you keep wearing that god-awful outfit, I can guarantee that no guy is going to take out his Clyde and shoot some Inky into your Pinky, Blinky.
Keep in mind that the girl who inspired this column is just a normal girl whose only crime against aesthetics, albeit a huge one, was deciding to wear a shirt that could double as a daredevil midget’s wingsuit. I don’t blame her, though. After all, her oversized shirt had her sorority’s nickname printed across the chest, evidencing the fact that this is a widespread fad amongst college-aged girls. The girl I saw was just an ambiguously-shaped pawn on the chess board of conformity.
And that’s just what people who wear this outfit are: conformists. Girls who wear this outfit only do it because they’re unoriginal and don’t want to risk embarrassment by showing off their own, personal, possibly not-well-received style. Guys obviously do the same thing to a degree with khakis, polos, boat shoes, etc., but our choice of clothing is much, much more stylish and casual than their absurd choice.
Oversized T-shirt and norts-wearing girls, if everybody else jumped off a bridge, would you? I know I wouldn’t. What I’d do is tell them that I was going to jump off the bridge after them, watch them all plummet to their deaths, and then go about my merry, non-flattened way. You can do this, too. All you have to do is wear normal clothes, watch your non-distinctly-shaped peers jump off the fashion bridge, and laugh at them on their way down. I believe in you..
Image via JWo Designs
Shooting inky into your pinky, blinky. TFM
9 years ago at 9:52 amI have to disagree. While there are certainly plenty of better outfits to be had, this look leaves room for the imagination which often leads to the thought that maybe, just maybe, there is nothing on underneath. Not sure what guy wouldn’t like to imagine that.
9 years ago at 9:54 am“maybe, just maybe, there is nothing on underneath”

9 years ago at 10:06 amWorst case scenario, it’s just a vest
9 years ago at 10:18 amMaybe, just maybe you’re the only 11 year old on tfm
9 years ago at 5:56 pmSadly no, that’s not a possibility. They’re fucking everywhere.
9 years ago at 5:48 am“Someone had to say it.” TFM.
9 years ago at 9:54 amthis article has caused a shit storm after I posted it on facebook. my phone is blowing up with notifications from sorority girls ranting about how im objectifying women. but it had to be done
9 years ago at 5:18 pmnah bc it doesn’t even objectify women cause that’s too simple. it more totally dismiss them as human beings, but that’s not the joke, that’s the underlying reasoning that allows the jokes to be funny to ppl ya know. it definitely objectifies transgender ppl tho so tru
9 years ago at 12:48 amnahhh not really though bc fuck this
9 years ago at 12:59 amthat pac man pun was gold
9 years ago at 9:56 amnahhh bc not tru and also rape happens od and also pac man doesn’t really look like a girl wearing a big tshirt– like maybe a little but nah not really
9 years ago at 12:45 amI’d like to take this opportunity to remind the ladies of how comfy and stylish yoga pants are.
9 years ago at 10:07 amhahaha lol totally right *high five* ladies are totally hot and should never present themselves in a way that I can’t call them a slut for… and if they do let’s all call them offensively unattractive to the point that they can’t wear anything without other people constantly criticizing or commenting on in threatening ways. bitches b cray amirite
9 years ago at 12:59 amIt’s like the collegiate version of the muumuu
9 years ago at 10:21 amIs it OK to wear an oversized T-shirt over Adidas shorts?
9 years ago at 10:23 amYa if ur black
9 years ago at 10:53 amFuck you
9 years ago at 12:21 pmFuck You.
9 years ago at 12:21 pmOne more time
9 years ago at 12:30 pmFuck you.
9 years ago at 12:37 pmThere’s a whole lot of fucking around here
9 years ago at 9:57 pmnothing a woman wears is ok. didn’t you read that part… either a girl looks like a gross unfuckable slob or she looks slut-tastic
9 years ago at 1:02 amThis is such a sexist misogynistic article.
9 years ago at 11:00 amCan’t tell if nobody got your sarcasm or if you didn’t read the title before you clicked on the link.
9 years ago at 1:20 pmBased on seemingly similar body styles, main picture looks like you guys threw Bacon in some Norts and an oversized shirt to get a model for this.
9 years ago at 11:35 amLet’s be honest, he was probably already wearing them.
9 years ago at 3:55 pmI dont know what kind of ass you guys pull on the reg, if a woman is hot enough, I would still shoot my inky into her pinky, blinky wearing norts and an oversized shirt or not.
9 years ago at 11:46 amStill waiting on that first time eh?
9 years ago at 12:29 pm