Opinion: The 2012 Election And Why You Shouldn’t Care

The 2012 election is almost here. It’s that glorious time of year when all the late night viewers get to call in to their favorite reality TV shows and vote for the douche bag they hate the least. Everyone gets so worked up about it. It’s like that simple division between red and blue that is the basis for every major soccer riot of all time. I call it soccer because this is America and all the Euros HATE the fact that football is way better than soccer.

Let me start off by saying that I hate President Obama. However, I also hate Mitt Romney. Both of these candidates are terrible “choices” and the fact that they are competing for the most powerful position in the free world is a joke in and of itself.

Two party politics in America is the biggest illusion of all time. The Republican and Democratic parties have both merged so far to the middle that they can hardly be distinguished any more. They differ over a few highly charged emotional issues, but ultimately there’s only one party in America: the status quo. And believe me, it’s a lame fucking party. It’s a huge cock fest and they ran out of booze like fifty years ago.

The President of the United States is a figurehead. He’s just like the Queen of England. There’s no real power. It’s all for show. He’s a dildo. He can get the job done, but there’s something lifeless and fake about it. By himself, he’s useless. The real power lies in the handlers. You must come to see that the dildo is not to blame. It’s the people holding the dildo, ramming you in the ass with it. Those are the fuckers you gotta watch out for.

The puppet masters mold the man into the perfect image of what they think people will like. It’s all about ratings. If you want to know who’s running things, look for the massive campaign donations from corporations and individuals who stand to profit from the election.

I’m sick of people arguing about which candidate is better. The candidates are actors. They are just reading a script. They aren’t real. The election has been taken over by MTV and the sole purpose is to create as much drama as possible. The goal is to keep people as uninformed about reality as possible. And it’s working…

Six corporations control 90% of American media. Think about that for a moment because it’s fucking insane. Six corporations control 90% of everything you read, watch, and listen to. Want to know who controls the elections? Look at who controls the coverage of the elections. It’s not a difficult mental leap.

Luckily, TFM falls into the 10% of heathen media outside of mega corporate control, but believe me, if a superPAC approached me and offered me a briefcase full of cash to endorse a particular candidate, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m a whore for money and I have no shame about it. It’s that simple character flaw that allows me to see the same character flaw in society as a whole, especially in politics and “unbiased” news reporting.

What the candidates disagree on is not important. Look at what they do agree on. That’s the key. That’s why third party candidates talking about real issues get no attention in the lamestream media. Both Romney and Obama support provisions in the National Defense Authorization Act that allows the government to indefinitely detain US citizens without trial. You want to talk conspiracy theories? That’s not a theory, that’s a fucking a fact. Google it, I’m not making shit up.

Why isn’t any body talking about that? The NDAA is the greatest civil rights tragedy in American history and neither candidate remotely gives a shit. That’s because their handlers don’t want them to talk about it. They don’t want you to think about it. That’s why American politics don’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter who you vote for, because both candidates support draconian policies that will move America towards an authoritarian corporate police state.

The only solution that I can see is the resurgence of a viable third party alternative. Unfortunately, there are still millions of uninformed old people that don’t know about the internets. They get all their opinions from six corporations who spend billions of dollars on campaigns to make people see the world through red and blue lenses. Until people wake up and see the two party deception for what it is, voting for a third party is essentially a waste of a vote.

Many people don’t even vote for the candidate they like and identify with. Lots of people just vote for the guy that they hate the least. Picking the lesser of two evils is no way for the greatest nation on Earth to conduct its elections. Hopefully, when enough people realize that the Republican and Democratic parties are both full of shit, a third party alternative might become a possibility. Until then, choose red or blue and shut the fuck up. It’s just two sides to the same coin, so who gives a shit.

On November 6th, I’m going to vote for Romney. Not because I believe he is a quality candidate, but because if he’s elected he will immediately start campaigning for 2016. He’s not going to do anything too drastic that will upset future voters. If Obama gets re-elected, he gets a blank check to stop giving a fuck. Two-term presidents are dangerous to civil liberties. Two-term presidents don’t need to worry about re-election. Obama can bukkake our freedom all he wants without repercussions. What are we going to do, impeach the first black president? White guilt won’t stand for that.

In these times of fake politics, I’d rather have a new guy walking on eggshells for the next four years. I’d rather vote for the actor that makes it more difficult for the Illuminati to enslave us all. I’d rather vote for Romney, because, well, anyone would be better than Obama.

Romney supePAC, please make your check payable to RAGE THEORY, INC.
It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.


  1. JebStuart

    If you loved both candidates then they are doing a bad job smearing each other. There are not perfect candidates, but Mitt Romney is clearly superior to Obama and his failed policies. Go get an education troll.

    12 years ago at 3:28 pm
    1. Costas and Clarks

      Both men have been bought and sold by the corporations since they got in to politics. If you think otherwise then you’re an idiot. If you think we have any real choice in this election then you’re an idiot.

      12 years ago at 7:57 pm
    2. JebStuart

      Obviously neither one is perfect. Both have an endless list of faults. However, you do have a choice and you must vote if you care enough about our country. Im sorry if you dont like them, but one of them will be your next president. So quit calling everyone idiots and head to the polls. (i already got that out of the way)

      12 years ago at 8:18 pm
    3. stovall is a virgin

      The article had some good points but the main point it lead to is that we shouldn’t care who wins? Is that a fucking joke? I agree with Jeb, and whoever now says they don’t care either are actually retarded. Most people on this site are only Republicans because it is “cool” to be rich and vote for whoever will protect the wealthy’s money the best. Now, you are told to not “care” about who wins. How about you uneducated pathetic excuses of fraternity men do a little research on your own on each candidate and form your own opinion. Regardless, you should obviously care who wins the fucking presidential election.

      12 years ago at 11:36 am
    1. Douglas MacArthur

      I really hope this column was nothing new for the TFM readers, but sadly it probably is.

      12 years ago at 6:08 pm
    2. Sure Why Not

      Finally. I have been posting that comment for his past close to five articles and you are the first one to acknowledge my comment. So, first and foremost, thank you. Secondly, obviously this isn’t twitter but because YMBNH you don’t realize the extensive history the TFM community has with hashtags. Starting with monumentave to Sasha and regretfully Bambi. Also, sweet original name, JI. Don’t forget to make your slam wash all 50 of your neon frat tanks so you’re FaF. Also, your mom dresses you funny, bitch.

      12 years ago at 9:43 am
  2. Bone Padre

    “The President of the United States is a figurehead. He’s just like the Queen of England. There’s no real power. It’s all for show.”

    Totally! Bush in the run-up to the Iraqi War, where he addressed the UN, formed alliances, steered public opinion into essentially forcing congress to get on board, and signed exec order after exec order allowing for highly controversial anti-terror measures. = TFigureheadM.

    12 years ago at 3:30 pm
    1. truenorthfratdaddy

      ^bone’s right. The truth of the matter is that the Presidency has been steadily gaining power for almost a century, and no President of either party has done a thing to stop it. (And who would when it means relinquishing some amount of their own power?) It is far closer to Tyrant than Figurehead

      12 years ago at 3:36 pm
    2. Breaking Frat

      I think the point of the column was that the President doesn’t really make those decisions, it’s the people who pay for his campaign.

      At least, that’s what I got out of it.

      12 years ago at 5:26 pm
    3. high kapp

      Yeah, he’s saying the President is just the puppet talking and signing shit for all the fuckers with the money and dildos.

      12 years ago at 5:52 pm
    4. Bone Padre

      So, Oliver Stone/Michael Moore, you want to buy in to that conspiracy theory, that Iraq was all about oil and contracting rights? Fine. Even most liberals like Jon Stewart have left that one go and said that Iraq was more about the administration overreacting to the threat of terrorism in the aftermath of Sept 11, but whatever.

      So, it was Haliburton’s decision to permit waterboarding. It was Haliburton’s decision to permit wiretapping. It was Haliburton’s decision to open up Gitmo.

      Even if one accepts the premise that Bush was the powerless puppet of Iraq War, being ran by the strings of Halburton, that still doesn’t provide reasoning behind the executive orders under his name, authorized by Bush, defended by Bush, of which served no economic incentive to Haliburton.

      12 years ago at 5:54 am
      1. TauPhiDelta1897

        ^They let it go because the owner and producer of his show told him to. Jon Stewart is part of that main stream media Rage was talking about.

        12 years ago at 11:23 am
    5. bubba shrimp

      Bone Padre, they might not have received an “economic incentive,” but if you think about it like a normal human being they got high positions and kept high positions. Isn’t that a pretty damn good incentive?

      12 years ago at 4:31 pm
    6. Bone Padre

      ^
      Guess I’m confused by your point. My point was, if Bush was nothing more than a puppet (a “figurehead for the corporations” to paraphrase), like this back and forth is about, who was pulling the strings on waterboarding, if not Bush?

      12 years ago at 4:36 pm
  3. shakeit4me

    Change the title, I almost didn’t read the article because I assumed it was going to be a bunch of “your vote doesn’t count, blah blah blah”. The stuff about the parties being mostly identical and the NDAA were the only things keeping me reading.

    12 years ago at 3:30 pm
  4. Virginia Gentleman

    The mainstream media is out of control as are politicians. Nobody is held responsible for what they “promise” constituents during their campaign, nor do they focus on issues that will actually make a difference. Furthermore, the media focuses on retarded social issues that have little to no impact on the vast majority of Americans and are too squeamish to face and cover not so wonderful issues. I wish someone would stand up, put their nuts on the table and start talking about significant issues like indigent birth rates and senseless entitlement spending instead of gay marriage and legalizing pot. It is shameful how naive of a country we have become.

    12 years ago at 3:37 pm
    1. JudgeFraterson

      ^ What this guy said. The fact that literally half of our country thinks it’s OK to take a handout from the government should scare the ever living shit out of people.

      12 years ago at 6:44 pm
    2. NativeFloridaCracker

      ^^^ this guy. Child birth to single mothers in the black community has risen to 75% and in the white community 35%. Who pays for them you and I do with taxes and the dam career politicians will never stop giving hand outs to be re-elected by that growing majority taking hand outs. These politicians who get paid $120,000 a year, ok fine. But after serving three terms in congress or senate are eligible for full retirement at 80% of that income, go back to the private sector. Term Limits!

      12 years ago at 5:46 am
    3. JudgeFraterson

      Dear Bone Padre, trrrry haaaaaardeeerrrr. I have a student loan. In the context of most of these posts you will find that the government handouts we’re referring to are obama phones, obama bucks, unwarranted handicap parking tags for the morbidly obese, health care (which is essentially already free Barry’s just trying to make it official), EBT cards where you can purchase smokes and booze and the general overall laziness of half of our country. So thanks guy. Try a little harder next time. I mean really give it your full effort next time so we can know you mean it.

      12 years ago at 10:22 am
    4. Bone Padre

      It was fucking sarcasm to prove a point, you imbecile, as given away by how outrageous a statement it was.

      Run laps until Bone Daddy gets around to killing himself.

      12 years ago at 10:28 am