Opinion: The 2012 Election And Why You Shouldn’t Care

The 2012 election is almost here. It’s that glorious time of year when all the late night viewers get to call in to their favorite reality TV shows and vote for the douche bag they hate the least. Everyone gets so worked up about it. It’s like that simple division between red and blue that is the basis for every major soccer riot of all time. I call it soccer because this is America and all the Euros HATE the fact that football is way better than soccer.

Let me start off by saying that I hate President Obama. However, I also hate Mitt Romney. Both of these candidates are terrible “choices” and the fact that they are competing for the most powerful position in the free world is a joke in and of itself.

Two party politics in America is the biggest illusion of all time. The Republican and Democratic parties have both merged so far to the middle that they can hardly be distinguished any more. They differ over a few highly charged emotional issues, but ultimately there’s only one party in America: the status quo. And believe me, it’s a lame fucking party. It’s a huge cock fest and they ran out of booze like fifty years ago.

The President of the United States is a figurehead. He’s just like the Queen of England. There’s no real power. It’s all for show. He’s a dildo. He can get the job done, but there’s something lifeless and fake about it. By himself, he’s useless. The real power lies in the handlers. You must come to see that the dildo is not to blame. It’s the people holding the dildo, ramming you in the ass with it. Those are the fuckers you gotta watch out for.

The puppet masters mold the man into the perfect image of what they think people will like. It’s all about ratings. If you want to know who’s running things, look for the massive campaign donations from corporations and individuals who stand to profit from the election.

I’m sick of people arguing about which candidate is better. The candidates are actors. They are just reading a script. They aren’t real. The election has been taken over by MTV and the sole purpose is to create as much drama as possible. The goal is to keep people as uninformed about reality as possible. And it’s working…

Six corporations control 90% of American media. Think about that for a moment because it’s fucking insane. Six corporations control 90% of everything you read, watch, and listen to. Want to know who controls the elections? Look at who controls the coverage of the elections. It’s not a difficult mental leap.

Luckily, TFM falls into the 10% of heathen media outside of mega corporate control, but believe me, if a superPAC approached me and offered me a briefcase full of cash to endorse a particular candidate, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m a whore for money and I have no shame about it. It’s that simple character flaw that allows me to see the same character flaw in society as a whole, especially in politics and “unbiased” news reporting.

What the candidates disagree on is not important. Look at what they do agree on. That’s the key. That’s why third party candidates talking about real issues get no attention in the lamestream media. Both Romney and Obama support provisions in the National Defense Authorization Act that allows the government to indefinitely detain US citizens without trial. You want to talk conspiracy theories? That’s not a theory, that’s a fucking a fact. Google it, I’m not making shit up.

Why isn’t any body talking about that? The NDAA is the greatest civil rights tragedy in American history and neither candidate remotely gives a shit. That’s because their handlers don’t want them to talk about it. They don’t want you to think about it. That’s why American politics don’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter who you vote for, because both candidates support draconian policies that will move America towards an authoritarian corporate police state.

The only solution that I can see is the resurgence of a viable third party alternative. Unfortunately, there are still millions of uninformed old people that don’t know about the internets. They get all their opinions from six corporations who spend billions of dollars on campaigns to make people see the world through red and blue lenses. Until people wake up and see the two party deception for what it is, voting for a third party is essentially a waste of a vote.

Many people don’t even vote for the candidate they like and identify with. Lots of people just vote for the guy that they hate the least. Picking the lesser of two evils is no way for the greatest nation on Earth to conduct its elections. Hopefully, when enough people realize that the Republican and Democratic parties are both full of shit, a third party alternative might become a possibility. Until then, choose red or blue and shut the fuck up. It’s just two sides to the same coin, so who gives a shit.

On November 6th, I’m going to vote for Romney. Not because I believe he is a quality candidate, but because if he’s elected he will immediately start campaigning for 2016. He’s not going to do anything too drastic that will upset future voters. If Obama gets re-elected, he gets a blank check to stop giving a fuck. Two-term presidents are dangerous to civil liberties. Two-term presidents don’t need to worry about re-election. Obama can bukkake our freedom all he wants without repercussions. What are we going to do, impeach the first black president? White guilt won’t stand for that.

In these times of fake politics, I’d rather have a new guy walking on eggshells for the next four years. I’d rather vote for the actor that makes it more difficult for the Illuminati to enslave us all. I’d rather vote for Romney, because, well, anyone would be better than Obama.

Romney supePAC, please make your check payable to RAGE THEORY, INC.
It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.


  1. smartbarbiegirl

    stellar article. i wish this was clean enough to give to my politics professor. i’m legitimately considering taking the time to censor it

    12 years ago at 9:01 pm
  2. OldCrowBourbon

    I have to disagree that the status quo is “a lame fucking party”. On the contrary, the status quo is what makes America great. In actuality, a little regression would do this country some good.

    12 years ago at 9:26 pm
    1. PhiPhiFrat

      Precisely. The concept that we can continue to grow with every generation is a bit idealistic to me. If we were actually knocked on our asses and had to finally WORK for something again, this country would have a better chance of rebuilding so many facets of our social and financial systems, both in the immediate and long term.

      12 years ago at 11:17 am
  3. FrattayLite

    Glad to see a Floridian voting Republican. Your vote is appreciated and much needed.

    12 years ago at 9:33 pm
  4. InstantFratification

    Great column. I couldn’t agree more with everything said. For anyone looking for an alternative to the MSM I suggest checking out drudge report and infowars.

    12 years ago at 9:59 pm
  5. First in Frat

    Ron Paul 2012. In the words of South Park, this election is a competition between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich. You can guess who is who.

    12 years ago at 10:30 pm
  6. Beta Theta Phrat

    Completely disagree with the first half of this article and did not even care to skim the second half

    12 years ago at 10:49 pm
  7. ReaganKA

    Referencing soccer in any way NF. promoting a third party candidate NF. both Republicans and Democrats are so far in the middle now? Obama is the most liberal politician in American history. And “picking the candidate you hate the least” is one of the most popular GDI sayings outside of “I don’t want to buy my friends.” Comparing the President of the United State to the queen of england, NF.

    12 years ago at 10:57 pm
    1. ReaganKA

      I am stupid? This fucking idiot is telling me I should not care about an election when millions of people are losing their homes and going on food stamps. Fuck that guy and fuck you too you worthless piece of shit. I hope you get brain cancer and die so I won’t have to support you and your future children.

      12 years ago at 11:59 pm
    2. Jason Dufner

      Yeah, actually – I don’t know you, but you come across as mind-numbingly ignorant. The recession and all the corruption and crony capitalism that has plagued America is so convoluted and complicated, I’m not even going to bother trying to explain any of it to you. Just keep on blamin’ Obama and his “failed policies” like you know how, brother.

      12 years ago at 12:16 am
    3. ReaganKA

      Dufner America would have been a lot better off if your government dependent mother had just gone through with the abortion. Maybe that is one thing I actually agree with obama on.

      12 years ago at 2:58 am
    4. Mr Sir

      ReaganKA, just… stop. Neither one of the liberals running for office right now are going to change a damn thing–both will make this country poorer and more dependent of government.

      12 years ago at 8:34 am