The Definitive Party Theme Guide: Librarians And Barbarians

ThePhiTour7 years ago

A fraternity is an imperfectly complete culmination of diverse viewpoints, strengths, weaknesses, wants, needs, and liquor choices. This series focuses on a small yet instrumental faction of a fraternity’s governance: The social chair and his perpetual quest to bring our deepest fantasies to life — if only for a night.

Each feature will spotlight a unique party theme and offer a step-by-step blueprint to throwing the ultimate soirée without pissing off the treasurer. As is the case with every respectable university, there are blue-blood fraternal organizations whose coffers are busting at the brim with dough; for the sake of universal inclusion, however, every guide will be created with an assumed budget of $300.

A crisp, dry breeze floats across the barren floorplan of the fraternity house. It carries a complicated scent, one of leather-bound parchment mixed with primal conflict. From the stairs descends a pair of silhouettes: one, a broad, powerful figure draped in torn sheets and reeking of wounded soldiers. The other, a sensual skirt and pigtails combination plucked out of a music video fantasy from the 2000s. A brief survey of the destruction encompassing the house’s current state is all the couple partakes in prior to heading out to the bars in full party regalia.

Such a situation is a common result of any Librarians and Barbarians themed party. By playing to both sex’s deepest desires in a viable hookup — a quasi-college-educated Conan for the girls and the hot, recently-graduated science teacher the guys had back in middle school — a Libs and Bibs party creates an environment that intrinsically masks our numerous shortcomings in regards to the aforementioned standards to considerable effect.

Attire

In regards to men, the attire for a Librarians and Barbarians party can be differentiated as a more aggressive take on the fraternity staple toga party: torn bedsheet loin cloths and rags that leave even less of your woefully unimpressive physique to the imagination. In order to further camouflage your insecurities, a headband or some furry garment may be added. Resist the urge to carry props, as it is a rule of thumb to never have a wooden club nor trapping net at any social gathering. As for the girls, graciously offer one of your button-downs to your date — it oftentimes will be returned in far better shape than you left it in previously.

Budget: $0 for bedsheet/other garments (partygoers supply their own) – $300 remaining

Decoration

While the apogee of social chairs strive to remain true to their event’s theme in regards to the house’s decoration, they have been known to fudge time periods in favor of their own artistic convenience. While cavemen may have preceded Barbarians by a few 40,000 years, the catalyst needed to complete the fraternity house’s gradual transformation from a figurative into a literal wasteland are cave paintings. Purchase a few large rolls of cheap brown shipping paper, colored paint, and some Franzia from your local wholesaler. The night prior to your party, invite a sorority over for a wine and design mixer. Not only will your future guests feel invested in the success of your party, but many sorority girls are incredibly gifted painters. Afterwards, have your pledges tack up the creations to the walls of your house.

The following day, send the pledges to your university’s library. Every large library discards outdated, damaged, and old books from their inventory on a monthly basis; ask a university employee if your pledges can load up on defective books to be strewn around the house. These props will double as entertainment later on in the night when your sloppy drunk brother (probably nicknamed something like “Garbage” or “Rusty”) begins playing the fan game or the party decides to go full Fahrenheit 451 in the backyard.

Budget: $30 for wallpaper, $35 for paint, $35 for wine, $0 for discarded books – $200 remaining

Beverages

The only drink that could wash the lustful taste of war out of a battle-weary barbarian’s mouth had to be brewed by the heavens themselves. They named such a concoction mead, or the ambrosia of the gods. While true to the theme, actual mead (alcohol made from fermented honey) is not an appropriate beverage to be served at a large gathering thrown on a college budget. As such, consider creating a shoestringed “mead” consisting of 2 parts honey whiskey, 2 parts lemonade, and sour mix/water at your discretion.

For more literary-leaning drinks, include some aspect of mint as the focal point of the cocktail as Hemingway or Faulkner were inclined to do (the mojito and the mint julep were the respective authors’ drink of choice). In order to work this inspiration within a social chair’s budget and a college party’s atmosphere, consider creating peppermint schnapps Jell-O shots to feign a small semblance of class.

Budget: $90 for handles of honey whiskey, $60 for peppermint schnapps, and $50 on mixers – $0 remaining

Intangibles

Barbarians held great pride in their ability to live off the lands they conquered. As a testament to these warriors’ spirit, consider suggesting your pledges dress as wild game to roam the plains of your fraternity house, oblivious to the physically and intellectually-superior hunters within their presence.

In lieu of a doorman, set up a librarian’s desk at the front of the house to check people in and out of the establishment.

Assign one pledge the honorable duty of dressing as the party “bookworm” – how literal the costume must be taken is up to your individual chapter.

A Librarians and Barbarians party is a unique theme that provides an ample setting to highlight the contentious brains and brawn of your partygoers. So read up on some 11th grade classic literature, work on your bench press, and get after it..