Paul Revere: America’s Most Heroic Drunk Driver
12 years ago

Everyone knows the story of Paul Revere, the brave American patriot who rode his horse through Middlesex County, Massachusetts to warn the colonists of an approaching British force. But did you also know that Revere was kind of hammered while he made his famous ride?

According to an article on famed drunken shenanigans throughout history from the website mental floss, during his ride Revere made a little pit stop in Medford, Massachusetts at the home of Captain Isaac Hall. Captain Hall happened to be a distiller of rum, and Medford happened to be the rum capital of America at the time. Being a good host, Captain Hall started pouring shots. The rest, as they say, is history:

By the time Revere saddled up again, he’d sampled his fair share of Captain Hall’s hospitality and “he who came a silent horseman, departed a virile and vociferous crusader, with a cry of defiance and not of fear.” Not surprisingly, Revere was “pulled over” by the authorities (Redcoats) and detained for an hour before being released.

So Paul Revere got shitfaced on rum, started “driving” around and shouting at passersby, and then got stopped at a checkpoint? It doesn’t sound like Paul Revere was rousing the militia it sounds like he was leaving prom. Either way, this revelation makes me enjoy the story of Paul Revere that much more. So the next time you see a commercial from MAAD remember that if Paul Revere hadn’t “driven” drunk then he wouldn’t be an American hero.

I’m just kidding, don’t drive drunk, call a pledge. Don’t even ride a horse drunk, pretty sure that’s dangerous, just ask Christopher Reeves. Was he drunk when that happened? Whatever, don’t do it.