PornHub Developed Wearable Tech So You Can Charge Your Phone By Whacking Off

Fratrick Kane 8810 years ago

Windmills are going to be a thing of the past, because we’ve finally done it. We, the human race, have developed a wearable technology that allows people to produce energy while masturbating. Pornhub developed the WankBand, and if that name isn’t self-explanatory enough, it is essentially a watch that doesn’t keep time but stores kinetic energy that is produced when “moved in an up and down motion.” Then you plug that shit into an electronic device of your choosing and BOOM, charged phone, bitches. Here’s a video explaining a few more of the details.

Take that, global warming! You really have to hand (pun) it to Pornhub on this one. These guys are doing their best to be upstanding citizens in an industry that is often looked at as immoral and trashy. Now if any porn and masturbation naysayers start busting your balls, you can bust ’em yourself and claim you’re saving the earth, one orgasm at a time. You’re essentially choking the chicken to prevent a chicken from choking on polluted air.

As if men (or women) needed an excuse to find alone time and commence self-love, they now have the excuse to decrease the electric bill. If you look at it in a sort of extended transitive property sort of way, you’ll be getting paid to masturbate. Every stroke, a dollar in your pocket (pussy). According to Pornhub’s 2014 statistics, 45 percent of porn viewing is on mobile devices, which is the most of any platform. Your iPhone porn usage is now self-sustaining, all thanks to the WankBand. You will not need a wall charger ever again. Just throw that shit away now.

How can you get your one free hand on the WankBand? Right now, the band is currently in “be[a]ta testing,” so that’s your ticket to saving our planet. As you may have expected, I can’t link you to where to sign up to be a beta tester, as it’s through Pornhub — but I know you will go out of your way to save the earth.

I just really hope they don’t jack up the price on the band..

Image via Youtube