The Pros And Cons Of Single Life
Every good thing in life is a double edged sword. Even the greatest things in the world are catch 22s — no situation is perfect. This applies to even the cuddliest, warmest, most adorable feeling in the world: love.
Amazing relationships are hard to come by. 93% of girls will cheat on you with Russell Brand, and any girl who won’t is a shiny gem of an angelic human who must be forever cherished. But obviously, no relationship is perfect.
Even OJ Simpson argued with his wife sometimes, and they were arguably the strongest couple ever. A prime example of a loving, healthy relationship. So let’s look at the whole picture and both sides of the coin, because sometimes being single is just a wonderful thing. So what’s better? Being single or committed? Let’s try to figure it out. Here are the pros and cons of single life.
PRO: YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE YOU WANT
Think about it. The sky is the limit. You now in live in Fucktown, Population: the world. Any girl you see, you can, in theory, give it a shot with. You see that hot chick at the bar? Fuck it, go talk to her. You got nothing to lose. The opportunities are endless. Who the hell cares if you get turned down? You’re fuckin’ invincible, like Superman or David Bowie.
CON: YOU MAY NOT FIND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO FUCK YOU
Let’s be honest, Chaz. Take a look in the mirror. Not just a quick glance so you can convince yourself that your flabby belly is actually a 6 pack. No, be honest with yourself. You’re fat, your awkward scruff makes you look like a hobo, and you smell like a dead pitbull’s ballsack. If you go out there and try to get some poon, you may learn the harsh truth that no one woman EVER wants to be within 200 miles of your 3-inch penis.
PRO: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
You and your girlfriend can’t decide on a movie to watch. You wanna watch a MANLY movie like House Party 2, but this boring bitch wants to watch a lame GIRLY movie like House Party 3. That’s a fucking nightmare. Sometimes you and your ol’ lady can’t decide on things. This also applies to restaurants, condom flavors, sock colors, presidential candidates, and which Katy Perry song to listen to while you 69 (she wants to listen to “Firework,” you wanna listen to “California Girls,” SUCH a pain in the ass!).
CON: YOU MIGHT GET LONELY
Sure, you got friends, but after a while they’re gonna get sick of you. Whenever you get so drunk you puke on their girlfriends or try to sing Flo Rida songs, they’re tired of your sociopathic shenanigans. So if you got no buddies and you got no main girl, you’re all alone. That shit is gonna get depressing.
PRO: IT’S A CHANCE TO BE INDEPENDENT
There’s nothing worse than someone whose whole identity is rooted in their relationship. There’s nothing more annoying than a couple that’s attached at the hip. But if you don’t have a significant other, you’re not in danger of that — you can be your own person.
CON: YOU MIGHT LEARN THAT YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR OWN PERSONALITY
Some people have the personality of a beige wall. Some people are as fun as watching golf on TV. Is that you? You may learn the hard way that your personality’s about as interesting as watching a movie about paint drying directed by Brett Ratner, and the ONLY thing that would make you slightly more interesting is a dang girlfriend.
PRO: YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND KILLING YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
It takes a lot of trust to just sleep next to someone. You never know what they’ll do. They might tattoo a unicorn dick on your forehead, they might pee on you… The list is limitless. Hell, look at the 60 people who slept around Bill Cosby. It’s just an ugly situation. You can never trust your girl. She might be mad about that fight you guys had last Tuesday and stab you in the throat while you’re unconscious. She might smother you with a pillow or shoot you with a pistol with a silencer on it. Basically, all the things you wanna do to Wally Bryton.
CON: THERE IS STILL A CHANCE THAT SOMEONE MIGHT KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
Just because you don’t have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that you’re not in danger of being murdered in your bed. Someone might sneak into your house with a creepy mask and stab you while creepy music plays in the background. Charles Manson might escape from prison and round up some of his Manson bitches to trash your place and end your life. Ya never know. So even if you’re single, you still might get murdered in your sleep..
Didn’t read your shitty article, but I would love to thoroughly disappoint the girl in the photo.
8 years ago at 10:42 amThere’s not enough evidence there to make such a decision.
8 years ago at 10:45 amThe evidence is how low she gets
8 years ago at 10:51 amAss in crotch. Dimples on lower back. Down for #buttstuff.
8 years ago at 10:54 amI literally just thought to myself I wonder what happened Wally
8 years ago at 10:52 amwally, are you gay?
8 years ago at 10:53 amIt’s 2016 man
8 years ago at 11:59 amdo gay people not exist in 2016?
8 years ago at 3:35 pmThey went away with racism.
8 years ago at 4:11 pmGet rid of Wally
8 years ago at 10:59 amWhat the fuck is up with the bold text? As if you’re articles didn’t give us enough of a headache
8 years ago at 10:59 amThis whole update is giving me a stroke.
8 years ago at 1:37 pmJust got the urge to stab a fork in my ear, so I stopped reading.
8 years ago at 11:03 amSaw the title, was hoping it was jtrain, realized it was Wally, came to see the dumpster fire of a comment section
8 years ago at 11:11 amunless you read the article out loud like a psycho, that’s a weird thing to say
8 years ago at 11:52 amah fuck that was supposed to be to the comment above you, my bad
8 years ago at 11:52 amah fuck that was supposed to go to the comment above you, my bad
8 years ago at 11:54 amApologizing NF
8 years ago at 1:05 pmFuck wally
8 years ago at 11:18 amPro: you aren’t married to Wally! Ha ha I’m going to put that on Facebook!
8 years ago at 11:33 amGet me some ball gags and handcuffs. Those girls in the photo need some “Daddy” time.
8 years ago at 2:13 pmI’m guessing guys don’t like some simple bondage.
8 years ago at 3:49 pm