Random People Admit To The Craziest Shit They’ve Done To Get Laid

SteveHolt9 years ago

Sex. It’s a beautiful thing — am I right, boys?

I’m like the Mark McGuire of sex, because I’ve had it so many times and occasionally require performance-enhancing drugs. Sex just comes naturally to me, but for others it can be quite difficult. We, as men, will go to great lengths to ensure our dicks get wet. Some of the things we do for sex could be classified as “embarrassing” or “unethical” or “illegal.”

Here, via Reddit, are some of the best stories random internet people admitted to when prompted with the question: What’s the craziest thing you’ve done to get laid?

From Reddit:

I faked a shoulder injury and asked for a massage. Our 20th anniversary is next month.

The classic nurse-patient romance. Simple and effective.

I attempted to impress a chick by climbing up a cliff to pick her a flower from a ledge about 25 feet up. I was a very good climber at the time so my 15 year old brain figure that it was a genius plan. Started climbing, she is obviously sort of impressed. Then, a handhold breaks off and I plummet about 12 feet to the ground. Shattered both the bones in my left ankle, compound fractured my humerus, broke 2 ribs, and got a fat amount of stitches all over me. She came over to my house after I got released from surgery. It was good, but for fucks sake not worth it at all.

That sounds like pity sex to me.

Met a girl off of Plenty of Fish who was 19 and she lived 80 miles away. I had a weird feeling about the girl because she had two kids and I had never dated anyone with kids before, I was 22 at the time. We met at a public park in her town after texting and talking on the phone for a few days and she always had to hang up the phone real fast and wouldn’t reply back for hours on end. It was weird, but I was desperate.

We fool around kissing and groping in my car and she tells me to drive to this wooded area in her town and wait for her to call. I sat there for like half an hour debating driving home but I got the call. I was told to be quiet and walk though the woods which led me to the back of a small building kinda like small 2 story house. She snuck me in through the first floor window where She wAs staying. Her kids were asleep in the next room and we started getting freaky, really freaky. She wanted me to slap her face, choke her, hit her with my belt, claw her back and talk horrible to her. I felt really weird but I did it. When we finished I went back to my car and drove back into town.

I was curious so I pulled around the neighborhood to see the front of the building I was snuck into. A fucking battered women’s shelter. A refuge for women who had been victims of domestic violence. Turns out her exboyfriend/babydaddy had been beating her and tried to kill her and was on the run.

TL;DR- I went into a battered women’s shelter to violently fuck a girl I met online 80 miles away.

Aw, shit. Gonna be tough to top this one.

I once drove over two state boundaries late at night to a remote home deep in the woods (it was basically a hunting lodge) to hook up with someone I’d never previously met. It turned out fine, but as I was walking up to the door and watching (and hearing!) ginormous spiders drop out of the trees around me, I was thinking “If this were a horror movie, the audience would be yelling that I’m too stupid to live.”

Driving 400 miles to have sex with someone you’ve never met is always the right play.

This was back in highschool. I convinced my girlfriend at the time to skip class and take the bus done to my neck of the woods. The real mess up is that my house was being fumigated that same day but I didn’t care. Literally my house was covered by that giant tent. Anyways, we get to my house, go into my bed and begin to start the nasty. Eventually my eyes start to burn and we both don’t feel well.
We eventually head back to school. I was sick for a few days after. Probably wasn’t my best of ideas.

It was probably from all the meth being cooked in your living room.

I am in a sexual relationship with a girl who doesn’t speak English. I live in China, and we got talking from Badoo.com, and when we met up, it turns out she was just translating our conversations (so was I, into Chinese). My Chinese is bog standard, but we met up, had some drinks, passed the phone back and forth.

Then sex. We are going to see Star Wars this week. Cinemas are usually a bad idea for a date, but I think this is an exception.

Love knows no (language) barriers.

I wouldn’t call it crazy, but back when Tinder still had moments (which I miss dearly) I posted a picture of a burrito on there labeled “bae”. After some biddies liked it, I messaged one saying she would make one fine baeritto. Two hours later I’m having sex with some random chick in the dorm building up the street.

LADIES LOVE THE JOKES.

A girl once stood outside the shop i worked in with a hand written sign saying, “do you want to fuck”.

*Grabs a Sharpie and a notepad* “Yes.”

Craigslist

That took some guts, bud.

I told her that I was a secret agent about to go on a mission to assassinate Osama Bin Laden, and that I wanted to have one more good time back in the states in case I didn’t come back.

She rejected me because of this flawless logic: “How could he still be alive if he was the one who flew those planes into the buildings?”

Not much you can do there.

I literally converted to a new religion to tap a hot red head only to discover she was terrible in bed.

I’d file this one under “unethical.”

Back in college…..there was a girl that I really liked. I offered to do her English paper for a weekend of sex. She said yes and we banged Friday to Sunday night. I ended up using a paper I wrote already for her to turn in. She got a “A” and banged me some more.

Exchanging goods for services. I see no problem here.

Flirtatiously pushed a girl into a trash can. Worked.

You got lucky.

Drove 130 miles in a blizzard to have sex with a hot amputee in my car while parked in a strangers driveway.

Having sex with an amputee is on my list of “To-Dos.”

Cocaine.

Of course.

To read more of this thread and some of the hilarious replies, click HERE..

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