Real TFM Comments Inserted Into Casual Conversation

Dillon Cheverere12 years ago

One of the great qualities of your TFM experience is the community involvement. It is often very entertaining, and that’s because it is comprised of some of the sickest people around — funny, but sick. The comments on this site are equal parts hilarious and disturbing. The guise of internet anonymity makes it a consequence free, no-holds-barred, sea of anarchy. So, I’ve taken it upon myself to put some of your commentary into perspective, real life type perspective, to reveal just how insane some of it is when used in regular, everyday conversation.

If you were born with, or have ever developed any semblance of a conscience, you may find the results to be terrifying.

Scene: A group of young, newly-hired coworkers are eating lunch together in the office break room. Their boss is walking around, introducing four new interns (college students) to everyone around the office. The break room has glass walls, so they can see out into the office, but people outside the room cannot hear what they are saying.

They are discussing the new interns.

“Those must be the new interns.”

“It’s about time. I’m tired of making my own coffee.”

“Ha! I bet you’ll still have to make your own coffee. I believe they’re mainly here to assist in tracking down sales leads.”

“Three girls and a guy, nice ratio!”

“Are you sure that one on the left is a girl? She has rather manly features.”

“Yeah, that’s the one I was referring to.”

“Really? Did you not just hear us talking about how unattractive she is? The other two are much hotter.”

“Yeah dude, what’s wrong with you?”

“Huh? I’m not a virgin.”

“Yeah you are, Kyle.”

“No, I’m not. I’ve been married for two years.”

“You have been?”

“Yes, remember I invited you to my wedding?”

“No.”

“You told me you were going to be out of town.”

“I have no memory of that whatsoever.”

“Can I see a pic of your wife to jog my memory?”

“Yeah, here. This is her on my phone’s home screen.”

“Of my wife? You serious?”

“Very. You ever take nudes of her?”

“That’s not any of your business.”

“That means yes.”

“Definitely means yes.”

“Hey Tech Guy, can you hack into Kyle’s computer and search for nudes of his wife piece?”

“Guys, that is just wrong. I am not doing that.”

“Agreed.”

“Yeah, c’mon man.”

“Tech Guy, please don’t hack into my computer. Respect my privacy as I have always respected yours.”

“Knew it! Fucker’s definitely got some nudes!”

“I gotta see these nips!”

“The fuck?”

“Guys, this is beyond inappropriate.”

“H.R. is going to eat your lunch over this, guys.”

“Fuck it. It’ll be worth it.”

“Come on, Tech Guy. Let’s go to your cube right now and start hacking.

“You have cocaine?”

“Of course.”

“You brought cocaine into the office?”

“Duh. I bring it every day.”

“You do?”

“Oh yeah. You never know, man.”

“You have like a lot of it? Like for a bunch of people.”

“Always.”

“Holy shit!”

“What? Who are you talking to?”

“Whoever heard it.”

“Good God.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but are you gay?”

“Nah.”

“Are you sure? You always order fruity drinks when we go to happy hour.”

“Interesting.”

“Guys, I think we should leave Kyle alone. He’s always been nice to us.”

“Agreed. I feel bad for him.”

“Finally! Thank you. At least some of you still have some decency left in you.”

“Huh? For Kyle.”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Look…you gonna do this or not, Tech Guy?”

“No way!”

“Grow up, Paul.”

“You grow up, you stupid techie twat.”

“Wait! Hold the phone, guys! I might be able to help us all out. I think one of the new intern chicks, the one talking to Mary over there, used to hook up with my buddy Aaron. If I’m right, he has nudes of her, like a lot of nudes.”

“Text him, Thomas!”

“Yeah, text his ass. What are you waiting for?”

“Just did. Cross your fingers.”

“Kyle can’t look.”

“This is him. Damn, he said he won’t send them. Said it wouldn’t be right.”

“Wait, this is him again! He said he was just kidding. He’s sending them right now.”

“Sweet.”

*12 nudes of the new intern are texted to Thomas’ phone*

“That’s what I’m talking about.”

“Look at the ass on her. That thing looks like it was carved out of stone. So round. So tight.”

“Your buddy Aaron is a lucky guy.”

“Man, come on. Is there something you want to tell us?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Nevermind.”

“Back to the intern. That’s a great behind.”

“One of the best I’ve ever seen.”

“That picture is my favorite.”

“Yeah, it’s a nice one.”

“What is wrong with you guys? That girl can’t be any older than 19. She’s practically a baby.”

“Yeah, a baby slut.”

“Guys…”

“Tech Guy, have you not looked at these yet? You’re missing out.”

“I better not. If this gets out, I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“That’s fine. I honestly feel bad for this girl, though. I bet she regrets sending these.”

“Fine, fuck me. Whatever.”

“Man, I love this chick.”

“Same here.”

“I do, actually.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Uh huh, bro.”

“Hmmm, fair point.”

“Imagine the sex, though.”

“Yes, that’s how it works.”

“Let’s talk for a minute about the dude intern and his stupid fucking face.”

“Yeah, I already hate him, just from the way he looks.”

“For sure. Nice tie you got there, dick head.”

“Anyone catch his name yet?”

“Who cares what his name is?”

“Seriously. Let’s just call him ‘Intern.'”