Reasons Why I Hate GDIs: Setting the Curve
12 years ago

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Setting the curve on a college exam is like masturbating in the shower when you lived in the dorms: odds are nobody is ever going to find out that it was you, but you know what you did, you son of a bitch. The only difference between the two is that I didn’t set the curve 3 times a day my freshman year while choking myself with the power cable that I took off the television in the study lounge.

I’m not going to lie: if I did somehow manage to be the curve setter, I’d be absolutely ecstatic. In fact, I already have my celebration planned out. I’m not going to get into the full details, but I will say that it involves some Zima and a catheter that I converted into a funnel.

See, I can create hypothetical situations in which I become the first of many to fall victim to what I’ve dubbed wang chugging (everybody wang chug tonight!) because I know that at no point in the foreseeable future will I ever set the curve on an exam. This is why I highly respect my brothers that do. Getting the highest grade in your class on an exam, if you are in a fraternity, is FaF. If you are one of those guys that can just pump out A’s like the Fonz, then thank you. You are proving Greek superiority to the geeds in your class. Most of the time, however, the honor of best grade, along with the title of dorm-sponsored Halo 3 tournament champion, will belong to a God Damn Independent.

Needless to say the thought of a geed being better than me at anything confused, depressed, and infuriated me. How could this be possible? I sat in my room contemplating this conundrum for hours, stopping only to assign our no-arm pledge the task of giving me a shoulder massage. Not even the tender touch of his unexpectedly soft nubs could cheer me up. Then it hit me.

I actually do shit.

Take geeds. I’m not exactly sure what a geed does with its time besides annoy me, but I do know that ultimate frisbee once a week is the only for sure obligation that they have. I was told they are required to do it to appease their Geed God and that the weakest player is sacrificed and his remains turned into a fixed-gear bicycle. Besides playing ultimate they have no requirements the rest of the week, and can devote this time to studying.

Now take fraternity men. You’ve got Chapter on Monday, Wine Wednesday, the weekend of Thursday-Saturday and football on Sunday. This means Tuesday is the only day any self-respecting fraternity man has to study without interruption. And with every fraternity member inherently having ADD, the constant interruptions of fraternity life can make this scattered studying extremely difficult.

I’ve also concluded that geeds’ dominance of the curve is due to their ability to pay attention in class on Fridays. While GDIs in class are busy paying attention and taking notes, every fraternity member is hungover as shit. And then Fail Friday’s existence further distracts this already disoriented group. I can’t quantify the amount of lecture time I’ve substituted with clicking the refresh button on the TFM homepage waiting for the fucking intern to get off his lazy ass and post Fail Friday.

But when it all comes down to it, we have subjected ourselves to this lifestyle. We could’ve been filthy geeds. Maybe we would’ve gotten some better grades on a few tests here and there. But as famous fratstar poet Robert Frost wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

Sure, we could’ve taken the geed road; what I picture as a dirt road, cut up by bike tread marks and littered with empty PBR cans. The one leading to a life of mediocrity.

But we didn’t.

We took the correct road. The road less traveled by. And it has indeed made all the difference.

It’s a TFM.


    3. Bro_PB

      Haters gon’ hate. Can’t be shitty when it’s SO witty!
      Damn straight it’s the best column in a long time.

      12 years ago at 2:48 pm
  6. Casey Franthony

    I laughed at the nostalgia factor of me jerking off in the shower with a power cord around my neck.

    12 years ago at 1:01 pm
  7. floundersnu

    It’s sucks when someone else sets the curve but it feels great when you set the curve

    12 years ago at 1:11 pm
  8. TrickleDown

    “I’m not exactly sure what a geed does with its time besides annoy me”.

    I enjoyed the pronoun usage here.

    12 years ago at 1:27 pm
  9. TrickleDown

    Also, on a serious note, there’s a reason that even though generally the average GPA of a gdi is higher, fraternity men tend to succeed more in life. Success is more about forming relationships and knowing how to lead than it is purely about knowledge and memorization.

    12 years ago at 1:28 pm
    1. mjohnsontchi

      not sure what campus you are on, but typically the greek GPA is much higher than average

      12 years ago at 1:43 pm
    4. Cherry Poppins

      Greek GPA is higher because we usually don’t have complete fuck-ups, who aren’t meant to be in college anyways. Going Greek teaches some sub-par students to better manage their time. The already great students still pull good GPAs; not as good as their GPAs would be without their fraternal obligations buying up their time, but still good GPAs. So, Greek GPAs are more consistent than non-greek GPAs simply because the non-greek GPA has a lot of fuck-ups who failed out or something factored in. The people who join a fraternity generally expect to stay in college, and to stay in college, you have to take your grades at least somewhat seriously.

      That being said, while there are certainly guys in fraternities that pull 4.0s, it is much easier for a GDI without any other time commitments to get high grades. That is why there is often a no-life geed setting the curve in a class or showing up 30 minutes early to every lecture. We’ve all seen the guy that obviously reads every single chapter in the textbook multiple times, and takes meticulous notes on everything that I’m sure he reviews and summarizes afterwards. Men that are in fraternities simply don’t have that much time to spend on 5 or more classes every week. If you have a job or are in other organizations, you have even less time.

      You will often see GDIs with the highest grades because it is easier for them to get the highest grades, but you will also see absolute fuck-up GDIs who are on their last leg in college, pulling 1.2 GPAs or something, and that is why non-Greek GPA is usually lower.

      12 years ago at 4:41 pm
    6. Alphonse Stilldrunk

      Also, on a serious note, Greek BAC is much higher than that of the geed. From what my sources tell me, it’s a TFM.

      12 years ago at 12:42 pm
    7. Tallapoosa Snu

      Just sayin… the umm “cultural diversity goals” of most universities seem to allow in some who may not be academically or socially prepared for further education, lowering the average GPA. I saw many people in my core classes who were darker and substantially more retarded than the rest.

      12 years ago at 3:52 pm
    8. TrickleDown

      ^This. Our pigmentally challenged friends will certainly have lower GPAs. I would like to see the GPA difference of greek to non greek when you factor that out

      12 years ago at 7:33 pm