Ridiculous Tinder Pickup Lines, Part 173
If you’ve had a hilarious Tinder interaction or have come across an absurd Tinder profile, send it to Jared@totalfratmove.com
If you’ve had a hilarious Tinder interaction or have come across an absurd Tinder profile, send it to Jared@totalfratmove.com
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FIRST! I BOW DOWN TO YOUR INTERNET FRAT GOD! HOTPIECE IF YOU’RE IN TOWN FOR THE IRON BOWL I’LL REDEEM MY FREE OTPHJ VOUCHER! FUCK ALABAMA I’M FUTUREMAN!
7 years ago at 3:02 pmGive thanks, gentlemen. We’ve got a new player in the game and he knows how to roll. Here we go.
7 years ago at 5:25 pmButt pee name reference?! Is this a sign?
7 years ago at 6:50 pmAnyone else see that pic of a guy peeing in a girl’s butt while holding the TFM book? Total try-hard but hey I’ll be a try-hard for any girl that takes a yellow ass hosing like a champ.
Get back in your tuna can ya damn dinosaur
7 years ago at 6:54 pmBall this kid
7 years ago at 9:05 pmI’d rather grow old than be born retarded, shit stain.
7 years ago at 5:49 pmDid someone say butt pee name reference?
7 years ago at 7:56 pmMe! 🙂
7 years ago at 9:32 amJust stopped in to give you peasants an update. I flew out to Vegas in my family’s private jet, where I’m staying in the $25k a night Titus Villa. So far, I’ve dropped $50k at the blackjack tables, which means I might not be able to tip the doorman my usual $5k. We shipped my brand new Ford F-150 King Ranch out here so I would have some wheels. My original plan was to load it up with strippers and head out to the desert for some six-on-one action. Instead I happened across five Tri-Delts from ASU who took one look at the bulge in my pants and jumped in the truck no questions asked. We went out to the desert to enjoy the sunset and a few bottles of Don Perignon P2 then it was back to my room for some 5 to 1 action. Or, since they’re Tri’s, maybe it’s 15 to 1. At any rate their were 10 bare boobs without sailboats in one luxurious bed. Now I’m going back to the tables to try to win back at least $10k (aka next week’s lunch money), then Fratty Couples’ and sigmanugs311’s moms are joining me so I can end the night balls deep in some all-too-familiar ass. Enjoy your leftover turkey, peasants.
7 years ago at 6:51 pmYou should have been a midnight snack
7 years ago at 9:05 pmI gave your mom a midnight snack after i got done slamming her shit chute last night little man. Now dance bitch
7 years ago at 11:49 pmBall this kid
7 years ago at 7:46 amGood girl. Keep on dancing
7 years ago at 10:36 amWell little men, I thought I’d drop by and honor you with my presence and give you an update on my trip to Vegas. I went on a hot streak at the blackjack table and won back the $50k I’d lost plus another $60k. Good news for the doorman and the guy who parked my car: they each get a $5k tip. The Filipina who cleans my room gets $10k plus the pleasure of having my cock in her ass. While I was cleaning up at the blackjack table, a Chi Omega from Stanford sat down and starts giving me the eye. She def gave off the “Looking for a rich husband” vibe that most Chi O’s give off. She came to the right place since my family is one of the richest in the country. Took her back to my room and banged the shit out of her ass, then kicked her out in the hall. Later, bitch. I had to clear out the bed to make room for Fratty Couples’ and sigmanugs311’s moms who were coming out to get their nightly dose of Trent Reznor in the ass. Later, peasants. Hope you enjoy your dried out leftover turkey sandwiches served on the cheapest white bread from the day-old bakery. JO (Jizz out)
7 years ago at 6:09 amHey little man, do me a favor, tell your mom she owes me for new sheets… I knew anal and Mexican wouldn’t go well together
7 years ago at 10:55 amYou wouldn’t say that to my face pussy. Of course you couldn’t say it to my face if you wanted to. You’re in your shitty working class hometown hoping to cop a feel off your fat cousin after she gets drunk. I’m in Vegas staying at the Titus Villa which costs more for one night than you’ll make in an entire year working at the Taco Bell drive thru. So far I’m up $100k at the blackjack tables and have banged seven slams excluding Fatty Couples’ and sigmanugs311’s moms. I’ll bring you peasants up to date later. Right now I’m gonna load a bunch of USC ADPi’s into my Ford F-150 King Ranch and head out into the desert for what will no doubt prove to be a marathon fuck fest. Enjoy your botulism infested leftover stuffing, peasants.
7 years ago at 4:38 pmFucking hell, boy. I give your dumb pledge ass a break for a few days and this is what you get into? Writing multi paragraph arguments between your own accounts, what the fuck is your malfunction? You’d think even someone with no friends and no women would at least be kept busy with their family thanksgiving for a few days, are your tampon salesman father and cheap whore mother finally sick enough of your shit to ball you from your own family? Because if you’re bringing down the collective IQ of your “ spend our entire welfare cheques on dollar scratchers” family you must be a special breed of retarded.
7 years ago at 5:46 pmTime to bring you peasants up to date on my weekend in Vegas. What you poor bitches see as the Ultimate Fantasy Thanksgiving Weekend is just another 4-day stretch for me since I pull like this 24/7/365. I’m just giving you some insight into my normal life so you’ll have some material to crank it to later. So last night I loaded a handful of ADPis from USC into my F-150 King Ranch and headed out into the desert for what can be politely described as an orgy. I gave each of the slams a taste of Trent Reznor, then picked the two best (they were all 10s but two were especially talented in the anal region) and gave them a ride back to town. I left the others in the desert. Figured they could call their daddies to pick them up assuming they have daddies (probably not). So I took Thing 1 and Thing 2 back to my room to solidify IFC relations so so speak. Then I booted them to the hall and went back to the blackjack tables where I’m over $100k in the black. Ran into a couple of venture capitalists who have been negotiating to turn my life into an app called “I Pull More Than You” and we headed out to Floyd Mayweather’s strip club for further in-depth negotiations. I paid the $100 cover for everybody since I’m worth more than their entire investment portfolio. Long story short, after buying every stripper in the place her own bottle of Don Perignon P2, we all retired to a VIP room to engage in acts of debauchery that are best left undescribed since if you losers read about them there would be a massive Creaming of the Cargo Shorts among the TFM commenters. Later, peasants. Jizz Out.
7 years ago at 10:20 amThis kid is going to get an A in his high school creative writing class.
7 years ago at 8:22 amCan we get a fail Friday?
7 years ago at 11:21 am