How Risk Managers Are Dealing With Crackdowns On Hard Liquor

slack_for_ios_upload_1024-1

Today, we’re putting the laughs aside and addressing a serious issue that is affecting fraternity men and sorority women nationwide. Each day, Greek organizations are being hampered with new restrictions and regulations, causing the collective buzzkill of parties everywhere. School administrators have been cracking down on kegs and hard liquor and we’re more at risk of getting boned for our drinking habits now than ever before. Thankfully, we have an answer to avert this crisis, and our friends at BeatBox are going to be the saving grace for organizations moving forward.

We’ve talked about our friends at BeatBox Beverages before — the boxed, easy-to-slap, Mark Cuban-invested portable party punch that takes any tailgate, road trip, or fraternity function to the next level.

This may have once been just a fantastic addition to any social setting before, but with the current social climate and path fraternities and sororities are heading down with regard to their universities, the sealed, push-to-pour BeatBox is now a necessity, as it’s 11.1% alcohol content and wine-based, making it the perfect alternative to your college’s ban on anything with an alcohol content higher than 15%. It’s also downright economical, with each box being equivalent to 40 beers.

The only equation that matters 💵

A photo posted by BeatBox Beverages (@beatboxbeverages) on

Are you your fraternity’s risk manager? If so, God help you — but BeatBox is there to help you, too. Stocking your basement with BeatBox rather than trashcan punch or rotating handles of liquor makes it much easier for you to make sure someone doesn’t get far too drunk at your party, both because it’s easier to control serving sizes and BeatBox’s lessened (but still potent) alcohol content all but does away with the risks associated with swift liquor consumption. This helps your fraternity be known as the fun house, not the sloppy house, and allows y’all to party all night long, not until midnight when everybody starts puking.

So make sure your next event is filled to the brim with this mouth-watering, party-pleasing punch.

Share This Form With Your Risk Managers

Try it for yourself, and you’ll never want to go to a party without it again.

  1. DrGonzoTFM

    The only thing I wanted to see posted by “TFM Staff” is an explanation for what the hell is going on.

    8 years ago at 12:54 pm
    1. ImHereForTheGangbang

      They laid off half their employees to avoid bankruptcy. The fuck do you think happened? The site’s traffic has been declining for two years and they poured a shitton of money into a terrible movie that came out three weeks ago and bombed. This isn’t rocket science.

      8 years ago at 1:05 pm
      1. DrGonzoTFM

        That’s probably exactly what happened but they need to cut the bullshit and make a statement. They owe us an explanation.

        8 years ago at 1:10 pm
      2. FrayettevilleLegend

        Yeah, broadcasting their impending collapse would score a ton of sponsors. I’m sure they’ll take the hit to make you feel better though.

        8 years ago at 1:14 pm
      3. Fratstarbator

        id like to believe sibs sucked regs and boosh into an underground gambling scheme of some sort and when the big wigs at the office found out they were going to cockfights they laid them off

        8 years ago at 1:28 pm
      4. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

        Pretty accurate. I’m currently behind a 7/11 throwing dice with Marcus Vick.

        8 years ago at 1:32 pm
      5. MrPresident1865

        That can’t be true. He just got arrested in Hampton again for drug related charges

        8 years ago at 6:32 pm
  2. Deadlift27

    Apology for poor English.

    Where were you when TFM die.

    I was sat on toilet when bacon ring.

    Boosh is kill.

    No

    8 years ago at 1:00 pm
  3. I_dont_skateboard

    Next time I want to puke my guts up all night I’ll be sure to buy the box of shit known as beatbox

    8 years ago at 1:14 pm
  4. Northern Fratmosphere

    All this is is just a ton of shitty alcohol covered up with immense amounts of sugar that guarantees you booting in the morning. Pretty sure everyone would just rather have the 40 beers.

    8 years ago at 1:15 pm
    1. Jordanbenner

      It actually is only 7g of sugar per serving! Not as bad as you think 🙂

      8 years ago at 1:59 pm
      1. Henry_Eighth

        Semen has an even lower sugar content. So why don’t you swallow that instead.

        8 years ago at 4:13 am
  5. TheYoungerBrooksBrother

    The only issue is that beatbox is banned on my campus, along with bagged wine 🙁

    8 years ago at 2:09 pm
  6. Pete_Jones

    Terrific. Just what I need. Another try-hard wearing a Reagan/Bush ’84 tank top showing up on my front lawn with a cardboard boombox of “Blue Razzberry Lemonade” junior varsity jungle juice.

    Hope his buddy in the Rowdy Gentleman Harambe shirt brought some Skinny Girl margarita too.

    Come right in fellas. Just kidding. F*ck you both.

    8 years ago at 2:25 pm