Rules Of Engagement For Tagging Your Friend’s Sister

The Lemon Pledge7 years ago

Growing up, friends’ little sisters are nothing more than that. I might have been polite and said hi to them at their house, maybe even teased them a little bit, but likely I’d never given them a second thought. But now that I’m getting older and my friends’ sisters’ 18th birthdays have come and gone, it’s getting to be an undeniable fact that some of them are absolute bombshells.

I first encountered this issue several years ago, when freshman year I unknowingly finger banged by friend’s sister in an alley who happened to be visiting campus for the weekend. After finding out her identity, I swore to never bring it up, but I still can barely contain a hearty chuckle whenever I smoke a blunt with the kid.

Flash-forward a year, and a good friend of mine landed me a summer internship with his dad. My second year there, his sister decided to also get a job there, albeit in a different department. Since we live close by, we carpooled to work, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hard at least half of that summer. This chick was so fucking hot that on a daily basis I contemplated the cost-benefit analysis of asking her out at the risk of losing my job and my friend.

Naturally, I pussed out, which was probably for the best considering I went on to plan a backpacking trip to Europe with my friend and made a shitload of money working for his dad that summer. Still…what could have been.

Most recently, I went to a mixer with probably my favorite sorority on campus. I have a lot of good friends in it, the chicks are hot, and in general they’re just lots of fun. Only once I got there, I felt like I was chaperoning a middle school dance. Every girl there must’ve been barely 18, but they were all attractive so I threw my morals aside. I heard whispers throughout the night that an alumnus brother of my fraternity had a sister at the party, but I carried on my night and six Nattys later I had all but forgotten it.

After socializing around for a while, I pointed at some girl and asked to rip her Juul. She said, “Sure, but I don’t let people smoke my Juul unless they know my name.” That seemed fair, so I shook her hand and asked her name. When I heard the last name I think my jaw almost hit the floor. This was by far the hottest chick at the party, tits full out on display, and it was none other than my graduated friend’s sister. Fuck me.

I talked to her for another 20 minutes all the while pondering the implications of trying to fuck this girl who I’m fairly certain would get me 60 high fives and one trip to the hospital, but probably worth it. Ultimately, as she was fiending to smoke, I gave her a half-assed offer to come back to my place to rip bong which I think for the best she turned down due to logistics.

Since then, I’ve asked a lot of people their experiences with fucking friends’ sisters for the purposes of this article, and here’s what I’ve come up with as some possible rules:

1. Don’t do it.

Okay, this one seems obvious. You definitely risk your friendship, so consider how much you value it. Also consider the opinions of your peers and whether you’ll be a god or a douchebag. Of course, the hotter she is, the more I’d encourage risking it.

2. Let her come to you.

Pretty low chances of success here, but if you wanna play it safe, let her come to you. Wait for the obvious signs of interest, and if you’re ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SURE, then hop on the ride. If your friend finds out, you can also play the victim card. “She came onto me bro who was I to say no.” Obviously, if you suck with chicks and couldn’t tell a “fuck me” signal from a turn signal, then steer clear and stay in your lane.

3. Be a gentleman.

I realize this doesn’t really come natural to any of you, but probably a better move than grabbing her ass and sticking your tongue down her throat in an unsolicited manner is using your words. Build up a rapport with her, potentially over time, and eventually when you see an opening, say, “Hey, I know you’re Dan’s sister and all, but I think you’re kinda cute. Is that weird?” See what she says and roll from there. Giggles are usually good.

4. Fuck it.

If none of the above methods seem suitable for your style, just say fuck it. Forget that she’s your friend’s sister and hit on her like you would any other girl. With any luck, she’ll forget you’re her brother’s friend (or maybe that’s not luck – you couldn’t even make a memorable impression) and she’ll be another notch on your bedpost by the end of the night.

Of course, if you do happen to score, I would talk to her about your plan of action moving forward. Do you want to cover it up like some government conspiracy, or come out and own it to your friend? Remember – you WILL have to deal with this, and if you treat her like some slutty one-night stand she’ll throw you to the wolves – the wolves in this case being her brother, who I hope is smaller than you. You want her to be your friend in the morning. Consider buying her breakfast. Just make sure you’re not too nice, or else you’ll end up with one of those girlfriend things.

Also, if you do this, you’d better not have a hot sister yourself..

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