Russell Wilson Can Have Sex Again After Wasting Two Years Of His Life
Russell Wilson: Seattle Seahawks star quarterback, 2012 Rookie of the Year, Super Bowl XLVIII champion, 3x Pro Bowler, and now no longer a born-again Christian virgin.
According to E! Online, Wilson tied the knot at a private ceremony with Ciara.
Wilson took to Twitter to display his gratitude for the support he received once the news of his wedding had gone public:
I’m sure you are “overflowing with blessings,” Russell. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, Wilson and Ciara agreed to no pre-marital sex due to their religious beliefs. Let me clarify that neither is a virgin, they both just happened to find God, I guess, after dealing with prior failed relationships before getting together.
Wilson and Ciara have a lotttttt of catching up to do. Nothing is off limits after waiting two years to bump uglies. Wilson is a highly-conditioned athlete and Ciara is as fine as they come. Cue Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long” already.
Eh, who am I kidding? Here’s a more realistic look at Russell Wilson’s wedding night after two years of cracking stick:
Here’s hoping Ciara gets knocked up with triplets after their first time. Now that would be karma. You both just wasted two years of your prime not having sex, so here’s a three-headed monster to ruin your social lives. God has a sick sense of humor like that..
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Image via Instagram/ @dangerusswilson
Just came back to say that TFM’s snapchat story with Bacon “hazing” the intern is in the running for gayest thing of all time. Fuck you.
10 years ago at 5:03 pmThat looked more painful than actual hazing.
10 years ago at 5:29 pmYou’ve been abstinent for the last two years, but not by choice, you just suck
10 years ago at 5:06 pmStill should have ran the ball.
10 years ago at 5:12 pmSecond times a charm
10 years ago at 5:24 pmI blame tfm’s shitty app
10 years ago at 6:04 pmI can only imagine how many comments you read through waiting for someone to say something along he lines of “this app sucks”
10 years ago at 10:46 pmStill should have handed the ball off.
10 years ago at 5:12 pmI done fucked up
10 years ago at 5:14 pmI bet he has more super bowl rings than you.
10 years ago at 12:08 amand you can jam more cocks in your mouth than him
10 years ago at 6:32 amIt’ll be a while before he lasts longer than three pumps.
10 years ago at 5:17 pmSame
10 years ago at 8:02 pmPretty sure it was RGIII that won rookie of the year in 2012, not Wilson, which feels weird to type.
10 years ago at 5:28 pmYou’re killing your Father.
10 years ago at 10:57 pmtons of sex is in their Future
10 years ago at 6:31 pmApplause.
10 years ago at 5:22 amHad to have gotten some sloppy top though, right…?
10 years ago at 7:35 pm