Shortest Books Ever Written
The concept is simple. The books are short, or blank essentially, because their authors don’t know what the hell to write about on the given subjects. Get it? If not, you will.
Here they are:
Jokes: I Just Don’t Understand Them – The Joke Explainer
A Flourishing Economy: How to Achieve It – Barack Obama
Ethical Gambling Practices – Dick Perry
Making People Laugh Without Poop or Masturbation References – Bacon
Social Media as a Book Marketing Tool and Why It Simply Doesn’t Work – TFM Staff
How I Came Out On Top of a One-Time Friendly Brotherly Rivalry – Luigi
The Caps Lock Function is for Communists – Lil B
Some Guys Just Have All the Luck: Playing the Hand You’re Dealt – Tom Brady
Wine, a Gentleman’s Drink – Tennessee Pikes
Mastering the Eloquence of the English Language – DOOD SKUNK
Adhering to a Strict No Hazing Policy – Mr. Weston, Alpha Pledge Trainer
Joys of the Vegan Lifestyle – Ron Swanson
Jesus, Who Needs Him? – Tim Tebow
My Body, My Temple – Kate Upton
Using Fame and Social Media to Pick Up Chicks – Manti Te’o
Shutting Up the Loudmouthed SEC – Brian Kelly
Beer? No Way, Too Many Calories – Wade Boggs
How Anorexia Almost Ruined My Life – Charlie Weis
I Care, I Swear – Jay Cutler
Maintaining a Professional Work Environment – Don Draper
How I Took Down an Entire Fleet with Green Turtle Shells – Anyone born between 1982 and 1992
How to Thwart an Office Bully – Allen
Achieving Success With Hard Work, Brains and Charisma – Kim Kardashian
Capturing the True Essence of the Sporting Event Atmosphere by Showing Plain Looking Females in the Stands – ESPN Cameramen
Field Dressing a Buck, Splitting Logs and Other Manly Shit – Justin Bieber
Floodgate Book Marketing and How It Could Turn Some People Off – TFM Staff
Hey, Shit Happens! Mistakes and How To Deal With Them Like a True Gentleman – Nick Saban
Your Quarterback is Always Right – Barrett Jones
Big Time Players Make Big Time Plays in Big Time Games – Manti Te’o
The Day We Earned Our Respect – Pledges
The Day They Earned Their Respect – Pledge Trainer
Quarterbacks are Basically All Homos – Brent Musburger
How the Fall of 2012 Brought Me Grave Depression – Johnny Manziel
My Review of New York Hot Spot Dorsia: Fuck That Place! – Patrick Bateman
The Terrors of Being Allergic to Sea Urchin Ceviche – Paul Allen
Articulation – Lou Holtz
What Are You Looking At, Motherfucker? Why Staring is a Social Atrocity – The Gator
Ethics in College Football – Bobby Petrino
Calm, Cool, Collected – Will Muschamp
How to Fill Some A-Cups – Rosie Jones
Soul Mates: I Found Mine – Taylor Swift
Avoiding the Spotlight – Katherine Webb
Future So Bright, Gotta Wear Shades – Honey Boo Boo
If You’re Not First, You’re Last – TFM Web Developer, Designer of ‘This’ Button
The Perils of Shameless Product Placement
and Why You’re Better Than That – TFM Staff
How to successfully gamble- Pete Rose
12 years ago at 6:14 pm“How to write an article that doesn’t suck” Stuff Frat People Like
“How to write for your target audience” J Parks
12 years ago at 6:14 pm“How to read at a 4th grade level” TFM readers
12 years ago at 8:16 pmHow to write an article that conservatives will like. -J Parks
12 years ago at 3:46 amAllen is the TFM, office chump.
12 years ago at 6:31 pmYou forgot
“Dangles I dont know how to do” – Pavel Datsyuk
12 years ago at 6:48 pmI liksh the onesh aboush Lou Holshz.
12 years ago at 7:04 pm^
12 years ago at 7:43 pm“How I plan on stopping Kaepernick” – Packers defense
12 years ago at 8:09 pmToo soon
12 years ago at 9:33 amThe Art of Being Humble – Johnny Football
12 years ago at 8:21 pmWhat It’s Like to Lose a Championship Game – Alabama
12 years ago at 8:54 pmanyone else find it amusingly ironic that a website where fraternity men come to, among other things, tout their business acumen has seen its staff make multiple attempts to capitalize on a popular idea by diversifying their product and expanding into new markets, all of which seem to be failures (day rage, rowdy gentleman, the book)? i look at it as a clever commentary meant to serve as a rejection of the idea that we’re intrinsically better suited for the world and destined for success solely based on membership in fraternities, in which case it’s absolutely brilliant.
12 years ago at 9:15 pmHe’s got a point, but what sucks is that the clothing line and the book have both been wildly successful so far because of the sheer amount of tools that peruse this site regularly. Desperate souls itching for social acceptance, incapable of realizing that the mere fact that they bought this shit contradicts the fundamental mentality of every cool person ever.
12 years ago at 9:47 pmHey you should have submitted this for a column! But then again nobody would read it anyways. On second thought, just kill yourself.
12 years ago at 9:47 pmCLASSIC
12 years ago at 10:52 pmWoah, this guy owns a thesaurus.
12 years ago at 9:04 am^^ Zing and ^ Zang
12 years ago at 9:32 amWhen J Parks says you’re a fuck up, your next move should be suicide.
12 years ago at 10:13 ama little bit more acerbic towards the staff than i intended, more directed towards the users. i guess at the end of the day it really is a pretty good racket considering this site will be around shaping the cultural norms of up-and-coming fraternity men long after those that will tell them rowdy gentleman isn’t cool have graduated. either way i think i’d rather walk around wearing a shirt with a picture of a female family member getting fucked by a farm animal than a rowdy gentleman shirt, just personal preference.
12 years ago at 11:32 am^Holy fuck who actually talks like this?
12 years ago at 5:40 pmI guess having $2m in yearly revenue with low corporate overhead and a NYT best-selling book makes you a bunch of incompetent clowns these days.
12 years ago at 5:45 pmHow to win in the NCAA tournament- Mizzou.
12 years ago at 9:52 pmHow to Win a Football Game Against an FBS School -Kansas
12 years ago at 4:50 pmVirgina Tech. Orange Bowl, 2008
12 years ago at 11:11 pm