Shortest Books Ever Written

The concept is simple. The books are short, or blank essentially, because their authors don’t know what the hell to write about on the given subjects. Get it? If not, you will.

Here they are:

Jokes: I Just Don’t Understand ThemThe Joke Explainer

A Flourishing Economy: How to Achieve It – Barack Obama

Ethical Gambling Practices – Dick Perry

Making People Laugh Without Poop or Masturbation References – Bacon

Social Media as a Book Marketing Tool and Why It Simply Doesn’t Work – TFM Staff

How I Came Out On Top of a One-Time Friendly Brotherly Rivalry – Luigi

The Caps Lock Function is for Communists – Lil B

Some Guys Just Have All the Luck: Playing the Hand You’re Dealt – Tom Brady

Wine, a Gentleman’s Drink – Tennessee Pikes

Mastering the Eloquence of the English Language – DOOD SKUNK

Adhering to a Strict No Hazing Policy – Mr. Weston, Alpha Pledge Trainer

Joys of the Vegan Lifestyle – Ron Swanson

Jesus, Who Needs Him? – Tim Tebow

My Body, My Temple – Kate Upton

Using Fame and Social Media to Pick Up Chicks – Manti Te’o

Shutting Up the Loudmouthed SEC – Brian Kelly

Beer? No Way, Too Many Calories – Wade Boggs

How Anorexia Almost Ruined My Life – Charlie Weis

I Care, I Swear – Jay Cutler

Maintaining a Professional Work Environment – Don Draper

How I Took Down an Entire Fleet with Green Turtle Shells – Anyone born between 1982 and 1992

How to Thwart an Office Bully – Allen

Achieving Success With Hard Work, Brains and Charisma – Kim Kardashian

Capturing the True Essence of the Sporting Event Atmosphere by Showing Plain Looking Females in the Stands – ESPN Cameramen

Field Dressing a Buck, Splitting Logs and Other Manly Shit – Justin Bieber

Floodgate Book Marketing and How It Could Turn Some People Off – TFM Staff

Hey, Shit Happens! Mistakes and How To Deal With Them Like a True Gentleman – Nick Saban

Your Quarterback is Always Right – Barrett Jones

Big Time Players Make Big Time Plays in Big Time Games – Manti Te’o

The Day We Earned Our Respect – Pledges

The Day They Earned Their Respect – Pledge Trainer

Quarterbacks are Basically All Homos – Brent Musburger

How the Fall of 2012 Brought Me Grave Depression – Johnny Manziel

My Review of New York Hot Spot Dorsia: Fuck That Place! – Patrick Bateman

The Terrors of Being Allergic to Sea Urchin Ceviche – Paul Allen

Articulation – Lou Holtz

What Are You Looking At, Motherfucker? Why Staring is a Social AtrocityThe Gator

Ethics in College Football – Bobby Petrino

Calm, Cool, Collected – Will Muschamp

How to Fill Some A-CupsRosie Jones

Soul Mates: I Found Mine – Taylor Swift

Avoiding the Spotlight – Katherine Webb

Future So Bright, Gotta Wear Shades – Honey Boo Boo

If You’re Not First, You’re Last – TFM Web Developer, Designer of ‘This’ Button

The Perils of Shameless Product Placement
and Why You’re Better Than That
– TFM Staff

***


  1. Tommy Gufano

    “How to write an article that doesn’t suck” Stuff Frat People Like

    “How to write for your target audience” J Parks

    12 years ago at 6:14 pm
  2. okusa

    anyone else find it amusingly ironic that a website where fraternity men come to, among other things, tout their business acumen has seen its staff make multiple attempts to capitalize on a popular idea by diversifying their product and expanding into new markets, all of which seem to be failures (day rage, rowdy gentleman, the book)? i look at it as a clever commentary meant to serve as a rejection of the idea that we’re intrinsically better suited for the world and destined for success solely based on membership in fraternities, in which case it’s absolutely brilliant.

    12 years ago at 9:15 pm
    1. SPECOA

      He’s got a point, but what sucks is that the clothing line and the book have both been wildly successful so far because of the sheer amount of tools that peruse this site regularly. Desperate souls itching for social acceptance, incapable of realizing that the mere fact that they bought this shit contradicts the fundamental mentality of every cool person ever.

      12 years ago at 9:47 pm
    2. MERICA FUCK YEAH

      Hey you should have submitted this for a column! But then again nobody would read it anyways. On second thought, just kill yourself.

      12 years ago at 9:47 pm
    3. okusa

      a little bit more acerbic towards the staff than i intended, more directed towards the users. i guess at the end of the day it really is a pretty good racket considering this site will be around shaping the cultural norms of up-and-coming fraternity men long after those that will tell them rowdy gentleman isn’t cool have graduated. either way i think i’d rather walk around wearing a shirt with a picture of a female family member getting fucked by a farm animal than a rowdy gentleman shirt, just personal preference.

      12 years ago at 11:32 am
    4. Jon M Fratsman

      I guess having $2m in yearly revenue with low corporate overhead and a NYT best-selling book makes you a bunch of incompetent clowns these days.

      12 years ago at 5:45 pm