New Smart Condom Will Measure Your Stats And Prove Your Sexual Prowess

Doctor Franzia8 years ago

It’s like a fit bit for your hit bit. A performance tracker for your booty slapper.

The boys at i.Con have finally come up with a way for you to settle all those late night frat house debates about who hammers the most in the sack. With cold, hard science.

From The AV Club:

Contrary to the name, the company’s product is really more of a cock ring, nestling at the base of the condom where it can safely measure any number of wholly unnecessary stats. (Tracked metrics include: calories burnt during sexual intercourse, speed of thrusts, total number of thrusts, frequency of sessions, total duration of sessions, average velocity of thrusts, and, of course, girth measurement.) The user can then review the data as part of their overly technical afterglow, and, of course, upload them to the internet for comparison (optional).

The reusable product will supposedly retail for around $73. If you ask me, that is a small price to pay for the bragging rights to once-and-for-all establish yourself as a legendary lover and more accomplished stud than any of your weak friends.

I envision a future where your iCon metrics and score are published as mandatory along with your online dating profile, allowing women and prospective dates to “separate the wheat from the chaff” so to speak.

Or, if we’re being realistic, the first girl you that sees you putting this thing on will be like “hell no” and it will end up sitting unused in your drawer just like that expensive fitness tracker.

But a guy can dream.

[via The AV Club]

Image via i.Con