Some Dude Had Sex With A Hot Pocket
You read that correctly. Somebody. Had. Sex. With. A. Hot. Pocket. Full, uncut, raw dog penetration. To answer your next question, yes, he microwaved it beforehand.
It all began innocently enough…
420 retweets and i’ll fuck a hotpocket on vine after i heat it up
— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 23, 2014
Needless to say, he reached his goal. He posted the video in question to Vine about eight hours later with the hashtag “#FoodPorn.” The video was deleted soon after, and no, I’m not going to post a link to an alternate copy here. You’re some sick motherfuckers for even thinking I would.
I think that’s enough for me, you guys. I’ve given up. In a world where we can share every single moment, song, or image with others thousands of miles away, people are getting famous for shooting six-second videos of themselves fucking microwavable snacks. The worst part of it all? The kid is owning it pretty hard right now, and enjoying the hell out of his 15 minutes of fame. Hold on just a second if you think crusty pizza pocket fucking is all fun in games. There are definitely some struggles involved, as our boy @VERSACEPOPTARTS goes on to show.
keeping a boner inside a hot pocket is hard — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014
I don’t know what’s going on with all of the pizza sex lately, but I’m starting to seriously lose faith in humanity. Check out a few more highlights from @VERSACEPOPTARTS time in the spotlight:
Hey @hotpockets, how you feeling u aight? — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014
there’s no way of saying you love something like putting your dick inside of it
— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014
rt if you support me fucking hot pockets — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014
1000 retweets and I’ll fuck a donut on my new vine then cum on it
— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014
i fucked a poptart box — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 25, 2014
Somebody stop this kid before he starts desecrating any more snack foods.
Dorn, don’t get any ideas.
11 years ago at 5:24 pmToo late 🙁
11 years ago at 6:19 pmIn one day SFPL went from only posting lists to only posting stories about sex and pizza-esque foods. It’s a change I’m willing to accept
11 years ago at 5:27 pmAnother sfpl column that didnt include a list, did all the hate finally get to him?
11 years ago at 5:27 pmHis hair doesn’t let him see the numbers anymore.
11 years ago at 7:53 pmHahaha food porn that’s fucking funny
11 years ago at 5:28 pmI think something was done here
11 years ago at 6:50 pmWatch a dude fornicate a hot pocket, or read one of SFPL’s lists… That’s a tough one.
11 years ago at 5:29 pmWaiting for the first person to try to have sex with SFPL’s hair
11 years ago at 5:29 pm2 posts in a row that aren’t lists but instead both about dudes fucking pizzas. I think it’s time to go back to those lists.
11 years ago at 5:36 pm420 niec mewvz nd il poast a videeo of me fukin baconz mom nd hot ant on vine #y0l0
11 years ago at 5:48 pmI thought I was reading Dorns Twitter
11 years ago at 6:05 pmClassic SFPL…..trying to make it sound like it wasn’t him
11 years ago at 7:36 pm