Some Dude Had Sex With A Hot Pocket

StuffFratPeopleLike11 years ago

You read that correctly. Somebody. Had. Sex. With. A. Hot. Pocket. Full, uncut, raw dog penetration. To answer your next question, yes, he microwaved it beforehand.

It all began innocently enough…

420 retweets and i’ll fuck a hotpocket on vine after i heat it up

— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 23, 2014

Needless to say, he reached his goal. He posted the video in question to Vine about eight hours later with the hashtag “#FoodPorn.” The video was deleted soon after, and no, I’m not going to post a link to an alternate copy here. You’re some sick motherfuckers for even thinking I would.

I think that’s enough for me, you guys. I’ve given up. In a world where we can share every single moment, song, or image with others thousands of miles away, people are getting famous for shooting six-second videos of themselves fucking microwavable snacks. The worst part of it all? The kid is owning it pretty hard right now, and enjoying the hell out of his 15 minutes of fame. Hold on just a second if you think crusty pizza pocket fucking is all fun in games. There are definitely some struggles involved, as our boy @VERSACEPOPTARTS goes on to show.

keeping a boner inside a hot pocket is hard — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014

I don’t know what’s going on with all of the pizza sex lately, but I’m starting to seriously lose faith in humanity. Check out a few more highlights from @VERSACEPOPTARTS time in the spotlight:

Hey @hotpockets, how you feeling u aight? — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014

there’s no way of saying you love something like putting your dick inside of it

— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014

rt if you support me fucking hot pockets — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014

1000 retweets and I’ll fuck a donut on my new vine then cum on it

— (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 24, 2014

i fucked a poptart box — (@VERSACEPOPTARTS) February 25, 2014

Somebody stop this kid before he starts desecrating any more snack foods.