Someone Needs to Punch Rand Paul in His Stupid Ginger Face
There’s a relatively straightforward bill sitting in the United States Senate right now. It’s helpful and simple and so non-offensive that it has almost complete bipartisan support as well as support from the White House. The bill is called “Senate bill (S.1940),” and its purpose is to reauthorize the National Flood Insurance Program (NFIP).
“By requiring the Federal Emergency Management Agency to move to full risk-based premium rates for certain properties, the bill would strengthen the NFIP’s financial position and increase its ability to fund future claims. The bill would also reduce flood risk and increase the resiliency of communities to flooding,” the White House statement said.
Oh my gosh! This bill sounds great! It seems like an especially good time to extend it since the initial program expires this July. After all, flooding is going to be a concern for many Americans now that hurricane/tropical storm season is kicking up again. Honestly it’s good to see Republicans and Democrats working together in the interest of the American people. Democracy at its finest if you ask me.
Oh wait, what’s that? Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky has a problem with bill? Hmm… okay… I mean, if there’s a loose end that needs to be tied up then yeah let’s go ahead and tie it up. So what exactly does Senator Paul think is missing from this bill about flood insurance? Why there’s nothing in there about abortion! That’s what!
Rand Paul is holding up the bill until the Senate passes an amendment, an amendment on the FLOOD INSURANCE bill, defining when life officially begins. Because of this the bill may not go through at all now.
Rand Paul talks about abortion more than two gossipy secretaries who work at the front desk of an abortion clinic.
Secretary 1: Oh did you see that girl who just left? She goes to my son’s school. Dates the quaterback. Guess I know how they celebrated the big win last week.
Secretary 2: Honey I seen her in here five times this year. That girl needs to get a punch card! (*laughs*)
Secretary 1: FOR ALL HER ABORTIONS! (*laughs*)
Secretary 2: Mmmmhmmm…. Abortion.
At this point I’m pretty sure that Rand Paul has a fever, and the only prescription is more abortion debate.
When reporters asked Senator Paul about his demand for an amendment defining the official beginning of life he told them, “I think the people who believe in protecting life would like to see a vote.”
Yeah, maybe, except for the ones that Tropical Storm Debby is currently taking a shit on. My guess is they’re more concerned about the future of their homes than whether life begins sloppily in the back corner of a foam party or at a completely random point two months later.
Rand Paul, you are an asshole. You are a counterproductive, self serving asshole with the creepy smile of a windowless van owner. Every time someone hates a Republican, you’re anywhere between 20 to 100 percent responsible. Seriously, you’re MINIMUM 20% responsible at any give time.
I’d also argue that even pro-lifers should be upset with this move by Senator Paul. Obnoxious tactics like this doesn’t exactly engender support for a cause that’s already extremely controversial. Rand Paul consistently makes a joke of his own party and many of its causes. Someone should punch him in his stupid ginger face.
- [via Insurance Journal and Politico]
This is the second time in a week Bacon has been sourcing columns from the Huffing and Puffington Post. Will one of his brothers please haze this guy back toward center, or center-right? The US Senate works by consensus – and Sen Paul’s obstruction on the Flood Insurance Bill will make it more likely that defining life will be debated and voted on in the Senate in another bill at another time – it will not in the end kill flood insurance. It’s strategy, not gamesmanship. Rand Paul is a strict Constitutionalist Libertarian, and his uncompromised views reflect the opinions of a lot of TFM readers. Bacon – think more; transcribe the Huffington Post less. Still TeamBacon – but worried.
12 years ago at 8:44 pmAmen, and you’re from NC, obviously you’ve been keeping up with politics and pragmatism within — McCrory Gov. 2012 – Dan Forest for Lt. Gov.
…and one day Rand Paul for Pres.
12 years ago at 9:26 pmIf he was a strict constitutionalist, he wouldn’t tack ANYTHING onto this bill. In order to get his way, this very non-constitutionalist bill has to pass. He’s a fake libertarian, and a bad one at that.
12 years ago at 10:13 pmRand Paul claims to be a libertarian, but he only actually acts that way when it happens to coincide with what his voters want. Philosophically speaking, a pure libertarian would not be crusading for the pro-life cause to that extent. Good article. Rand sucks compared to his dad.
12 years ago at 10:40 pmIf you don’t like Rand Paul then Fuck You. He’s the last person up there not letting this country turn into the pussy liberal shit most politicians would be okay with it becoming.
Fucking Liberal Commies trying to hate on the Conservatives. Not knowing shit about this federal flood bill is your own damn fault, let the states handle this shit, not the fucking federal government, we need obama doing a little as possible his last months in office, why would TFM trust obama with anything else? c’mon man. That’s fifty pledge ups.
Rand Paul 2016, suck it liberal bitches.
12 years ago at 9:24 pm^ this
12 years ago at 9:55 pm^^that
12 years ago at 6:05 pmHey Bacon… Good job, good effort!
12 years ago at 9:50 pmNew Troll?
12 years ago at 6:56 amWhat is probably the most disturbing part of this is the unquestionable support for federally run flood insurance. That’s between a man and whatever private insurance company he wants to do business with. It’s not to be inefficiently run by washington bureaucrats despite what the people want, but what the hell let’s just have the federal government do everything for us rights guys? It’s funny because it’s actually people like Ron/Rand Paul, Judge Napolitano, and Jim Demint who are keeping the Republican party from being a complete joke. Why don’t you look at some other bills that Rand has proposed like ones to prevent drone surveillance on American citizens? Or rather just don’t write columns regarding politics at all because you sound utterly retarded.
12 years ago at 11:31 pmBetter when wasted,
That is the Truth if I have ever it; aren’t we still capitalists?…it’s questionable though with people like Bacon wanting government compensation for the unpredictable forces of nature; Republican…ha.
12 years ago at 12:20 amAll of you who think Rand or Ron Paul are decent are complete idiots. The only thing good about Ron Paul is that he was OBGYN. That is it. The guy is a nut job and all of you who actually support him are jackalopes. His son, Rand, is also a nut job. Seriously, putting in this bullcrap on a bill for flooding insurance is what is wrong with Congress. I hope everyone who is supporting this retard is sterile because this is one of the more absurd things I have heard about congress recently. Bacon, thank you for not being a mouth breather. Listen to these people and you will probably wind up banging your cousin.
12 years ago at 3:27 amoh liberals…
12 years ago at 7:06 amIf you were actually libertarian you wouldn’t support the bullshit proposed by paul in the first place. There isn’t enough bleach in the world for a hypocrite like you to chug
12 years ago at 12:25 pmcan’t wait to see four years of romney fail and Rand get elected in 2016
12 years ago at 1:20 pmSuck a dick you mindless politically-ignorant fucks. Bacon ought to be writing articles on blowjob techniques, not putting down Republicans. Is insurance a proper function of government authorized by our great Constitution? Fuck no. This site claims to be so ‘Merican yet you guys haven’t the faintest fucking clue what the Constitution says. A Constitution is what makes a country, not its liberal fucking entitlement programs. Yeah, my midwest-living ass wants to pay more taxes so people who CHOSE to live next to a fucking RIVER or the fucking OCEAN can have free flood insurance. Fuck you. The bill is bogus overreach of governmental authority paid for with fake fucking money that we’ll have to pay back by taking the political Chinese dick once our dollar collapses. (Luckily Asians have small penises). Thank God for people like Senator Paul who would do something so ridiculous to block this type of Communist/Socialist bullshit. You NF liberals need to run laps til your clitoris’ shrivel and fall off. Huffington Post? … dick yourself.
12 years ago at 8:26 amI can’t help but think that when a twister done come and sweep up your “midwest-living ass” you would be the first to come crying for a helping hand. And there is nothing wrong with that.
We’re all Americans, we need to avoid factions and get back to the collaborative leadership that made our system so powerful.
http://www.apstudent.com/ushistory/docs1751/joindie.htm
12 years ago at 8:42 amFederal assistance is not a ‘helping hand’. (Except maybe in the case of the TSA [of which Paul is the chief opponent]– you can get a decent handy for making suggestive comments about your toothpaste tube). Ever been to a FEMA-controlled disaster area? They lock down the region and keep local authorities from providing assistance. My community has a fire department. I don’t need some bureaucrat fucks (paid for with my tax dollars) crawling all over my town with machine guns disarming the population like they did in Katrina. Besides, insurance from the private sector covers these things. You know, enterprise, business dictated only by market forces. It’s an American thing, not everyone gets it. Keep your mind at ease, once the twister takes me off to the Land of Oz, I will not cry to the government, I’ll just walk around with my hound smashing sweet little munchkin ass and I’ll eventually find my way home. Which is not on a flood plain.
12 years ago at 8:56 ammulefratter gets it
12 years ago at 9:15 amMuleFratter needs to run TFM News. Amen
12 years ago at 1:21 pmFor folks that claim to love Dubya so much, you sure seem to have forgotten what compassionate conservatism means.
12 years ago at 8:46 amI fucking hate “compassionate conservatism”, it’s code for progressive republican, or in better terms liberal.
12 years ago at 10:00 amReally? We’re calling the Bushes and various Reagan administration officials liberals now? Jesus Christ. You make me sick to call myself a conservative.
12 years ago at 10:06 amhttp://mapathon.com/flood.html
Everyone who thinks that flooding doesn’t/can’t affect them at all should take a look at this map. According to this about 99% of the U.S. has had a flood declaration by the President at some point between 1965 and 2003. A vast majority of people don’t even consider buying flood insurance because in a lot of these areas a flood could be a once in a generation occurrence. The current flooding in Duluth, Minnesota is a perfect example of this (the city is even on a hill). Flood insurance helps lower the cost for everyone and makes recovery exponentially quicker. If people were required to recover by themselves this country would look something like Guatemala. I’m just as conservative as the next guy but your arguments are all ridiculous. If we applied this backwards logic to terrorism you would be arguing that not everyone has been personally attacked by a terrorist so people should defend themselves and we don’t need a military or a police force.
12 years ago at 3:00 pmWhoa There Captain Crunch, don’t get carried away making connections that don’t line up even…philosophically. You think State Governments don’t know that areas of their States flood, or that Insurance Agents don’t know that (that’s an opportunity for them to make money) So if we let the Free Fucking Market work, like we ought to, then let this “problem” be handled by State Governments, and by the Insurance Agents that stand to make profit off of this. This is hardly a Federal issue at all, and giving the federal government MORE power, and jurisdiction on anything in our lives is ridiculous, and will inevitably result in Revolution.
Again, I Say, You. Are. Welcome.
12 years ago at 6:27 pm