Someone Stole Kanye’s Laptop, Leaked A Terrible Song, Started Twitter Account Threatening To Leak More
11 years ago

Kanye West apparently accidentally left his backpack, containing his laptop, somewhere in Paris, and an anonymous Frenchman snatched that shit right up. As a result, a cringeworthy and disturbingly cheesy love ballad to Kim Kardashian, titled “Awesome,” has leaked (you can listen below). The person in possession of his laptop also created a Twitter account which he or she is using to threaten the release of even more (hopefully less terrible) material.

If someone stole my laptop and used my personal shit to build a Twitter following, my brain would explode from anger overload. And I don’t have anything this embarrassing on my laptop…

That song is the opposite of awesome. And while I’m confident it won’t be on his new album (fingers crossed), the fact that he spent even a few minutes in a recording studio putting that garbage together is just disappointing. “All Day” is badass, and he should be spending his valuable time making jams like that, not sappy garbage like this.

There’s not really an upside to this whole stolen laptop situation for fans. Sure, there’s a chance we could see another Kim Kardashian sex tape leak, but the first one was extremely underwhelming, and we’ve seen her butt ass naked at pretty much every possible angle already, so I’m not sure that would be worth the potential spoiling of So Help Me God.

The master troll running this @kanyelaptop account recently tweeted a particular creepy Anonymous video directed at Yeezy, but the video makes no mention of a laptop (although it is terrifying).

On a completely unrelated note, I’d just like to say how much respect I have for Anonymous as an organization. *sets computer on fire*

    1. Ross Bolen

      A. I’d be willing to bet five whole dollars that there is at least one Kanye West fan in a fraternity somewhere in America.

      B. We cover non-fraternity related things on a regular basis.

      C. Eat a dick.

      11 years ago at 1:25 pm
      1. Frobert The III

        A. Eat a dick W R Bolen.

        B. This not TMZ.

        C. Eat a bag of dicks W R Bolen.

        11 years ago at 1:28 pm
      3. Sand_Hill_Alum

        shut up private. you’re gayer than cum on a mustache. now push until i get tired

        11 years ago at 2:31 pm
      5. Ron_Draper

        A. True. But I’d be willing to bet anything that there are more people in fraternities who DON’T want to hear Kanye’s gossip than “fans” of him.

        B. You are missing your niche audience by doing that on a regular basis. I don’t give a flying anything about Kanye’s stupid laptop getting stolen. What I (your readership) want(s) to see is some spring break titties; some laughable, fraternity-related news stories; ABSDOTW and for Pete’s sake The next installment of the Frat Romance Novel. You

        11 years ago at 1:40 pm
      6. Ron_Draper

        You pay enough people over at Grandex to churn something like that out on a regular basis.

        C. Eat your own dick, nerd.

        11 years ago at 1:42 pm
      7. Ihavefirmnipples

        A. Anyone man who calls himself “a Kanye West fan” is no man at all, let alone a fraternity man. B. You should stop doing that, might win you over a few fans outside the high schooler demographic. C. No thanks, just read A and B again and sit on it for awhile.

        11 years ago at 2:17 pm
    1. TheFratCock

      can we see tits. period.
      that fucking cyber dust app that I downloaded because the intern premised me uncensored boobs has seen less skin than a convent recently.

      11 years ago at 1:32 pm
  4. 993King

    Has Kanye ever made anything that wasn’t terrible anyways? What’s one more song

    11 years ago at 1:38 pm
  5. Johnnymac

    I thought this story was intriguing. But why do you keep saying All Day is so great? Every other word is N. I hate Kanye as a person, but I do like some of his music.

    11 years ago at 1:50 pm
  6. SperryFratshaw

    He could’ve at least released a song that was good, not one that sounds like a whale fucking a dolphin.

    11 years ago at 2:11 pm
    1. FuckTheAdministration

      Dolphins are actually a type of whale. And orcas are a type of dolphin. I have no idea how this is relevant or why I’m writing it, but I’m gunna do me.

      11 years ago at 4:50 pm
      1. SharkWeekTFM

        Dolphins aren’t whales. Dolphins and whales are both cetaceans. Killer whales and pilot whales are types of dolphins. They get pushy when you gloss over that kind of stuff. My friend had a couple run ins.

        11 years ago at 8:56 pm
  7. FreighteenFriftyFrix

    Honestly, given the lack of development of this story, it just doesn’t seem worthy of an article on here. The song isn’t new, its just a CD quality version. And while I’m sure the stolen property will be returned shortly, I’d advise anyone who appreciates art or music to go flag this guy’s twitter. It really would be a shame if a lot of material from the new album was leaked, especially since it’s probably mostly unfinished. Not trying to sound like a fanboy, but I do respect the amount of work Kanye puts into his music, as I’m sure many of you do.

    11 years ago at 2:50 pm
    1. FreighteenFriftyFrix

      Actually, this was confirmed fake before this article was even posted. Fuck you W R Bolen.

      11 years ago at 3:14 pm
  9. GeebsNotGeeds

    Unless there’s a “There will never be a Caucasian Kanye Fan” song on here I don’t get the relevance.

    11 years ago at 3:52 pm
    1. Bush Light

      But I’d totally want to have them on my side when it comes to fighting the sandaled sissies.

      11 years ago at 7:04 pm