Stephen F. Austin Coach Adds Basketball To The Millennial Kill List
8 years ago

Those damn millennials have done it again. This time it’s not a department stop or some chain restaurant, au contraire, no this time they have gone after an entire sport. According to Stephen F. Austin coach Kyle Keller, millennials have now sucked their dirty little entitled fangs into the sport of basketball.

From USA Today:

“…the Millennials today, they don’t even watch college basketball,’’ he said Thursday night after Stephen F. Austin lost to Texas Tech in the first round of the NCAA tournament. “A lot of our guys didn’t even know who those cats (Texas Tech players) were because they don’t watch the game. They’re on their phone and doing that kind of stuff.

“I hate to say it, but as much as you or I or anybody in here watches the games, they don’t. Or the NBA. They might watch the slam-dunk contest in February on TNT or whatever, but that’s about the extent of it.”

Be honest here, Kyle. Are the kids killing your beloved sport or are you just upset that your team couldn’t plant a flag in Upset City? They should have, by the way. Total choke job down the stretch but I digress. Also, is his team even full of millennials or do they fall into the next generation? I still can’t keep up with where the lines are between generations X, Y, and Z.

His argument does have some merit to it, though. Based on how my bets panned out yesterday, it is clear that I have not been watching any college basketball. And as for the Slam Dunk Contest, nobody is watching that. We have internet porn and drones that can deliver shit to our house, so some guy dunking a ball really doesn’t impress us.

Clearly on a roll, Coach Keller continued his barrage of cheap shots at those damn kids.

“If I don’t read it and study it and learn and try to figure these kids out, I have no chance to coach… Because the way I was taught as a child was, ‘Hey, you are going to eat what is on your plate, if not, you’re going to sit here.’ I had to sit at the kitchen table one Saturday afternoon because I didn’t want to eat green beans or salmon patties.

“So we have a lot of green beans on our team meals, and I tell that story to our guys. But you have to adjust. You’d better learn to give and some take with these kids, I think.’’

Eat your goddamn green beans, you entitled scum. This is a fallacy that a lot of older people try to throw at us: it was harder for me so it should be harder for you. It’s the old I walked back and forth to school 3 miles in the snow deal. Yeah, I bet if you had Uber you would have thought twice about that shit.

Our generation has it all figured out. We can have literally any restaurant deliver a four course meal right to our doorstep without having to miss out on our 500th game of Fortnite. So I think you can keep your green beans and salmon patties. I’m gonna order in some fajitas from Chili’s, and maybe a little skillet queso if I’m feeling saucy.

No, millennials have not killed basketball — well at least not yet.

[via USA Today]

Image via Wikimedia Commons