Stoners Across the Nation Giggle in Unison
14 years ago

Everyone knows “those guys” in their chapter who smoke weed all too often. Apparently, some people are inclined to wasting weeks of their lives playing FIFA and laughing like semi-retarded hyenas. These are the guys that “haze” the pledges into making guacamole, or bringing over 17 gas station hotdogs. Some of them maintain respectable lifestyles, and others…not so much. Don’t get me wrong, smoking until you can’t see straight can help take the edge off every now and then, but there is a difference between enjoying pot in a normal recreational manner, and being a worthless brain-dead hippie, incapable of bringing anything to the table or benefiting society in any way. Today, if you feel inclined to get stoned out of your mind, feel free, but keep that shit to yourself as best you can. Don’t walk around campus drooling and giggling like a schoolgirl. There is no reason to lose composure and behave like some heathen GDI. If you go around openly supporting 4/20, or shouting things like “legalize it,” then you were probably raised on this “Ei Ei Yoga” farm, and should move to Canada immediately.

Seriously, look around your classroom. How many people chose not to use their Visine today in a show of 4/20 enthusiasm? We get it, bro. You smoke weed. Use your fucking eye drops before someone arrests you for looking like a rabid zombie. Moving on. Throughout the day, hippies may try and get you to participate in things such as hacky sack or some form of drum circle. The proper response to such an invitation should be a swift kick in the balls. Don’t be like one of the mindless drones who gather by the thousands in Colorado to smoke in a grand show of unison, making hippies feel cool and included, even if just for a few fleeting moments.

When my kids ask if they can visit Boulder’s campus, I’m going to strap them down, and force them to watch “Requiem for a Dream” on repeat for 48 hours.

In all seriousness, try and keep those bloodshot eyes open, and stay safe out there.

  5. The Frat Czar

    I’ve never grasped the concept of smoking pot.I’m perfectly content drinking, at least I can still get something accomplished when I’m drunk.

    14 years ago at 7:14 pm
    1. black pledge

      99.9% of people who smoke weed would say the exact opposite of the accomplishing things part

      14 years ago at 8:33 pm
    3. Frat Rat

      You can do many things better high than drunk. If you can’t get the concept maybe you need to try it.

      14 years ago at 10:31 pm
    4. terd ferguson

      i can study and drive high as fucking balls. Those 2 things don’t fly so much when i’m drunk.

      14 years ago at 11:19 am
    6. FratHardFratOftn

      “Up at Frat” you must be a pledge or you would be having one drive you around instead of driving drunk.

      14 years ago at 10:50 pm
  6. Fratmiral Nelson

    “I’ve got to run a business. I’ve got to stay sharp,” says Steve, explaining why he rarely smokes pot anymore. “Seems like everybody I know who smokes daily, or many times in a week, it seems like there’s always something going wrong with their life, professionally, or in their relationships, or financially or something. It’s a lot of fun, but it seems like if someone does it too much, there’s some karmic cost to it.” – one of the five guys credited with starting “4/20”

    14 years ago at 8:29 pm
  7. Its a code blue

    First of all, you can’t get arrested just for being high and having bloodshot eyes…this is America. Also, kicking a hippie in the balls. NF. Knocking his fucking teeth out. TFM

    14 years ago at 8:59 pm
  8. 5 Apples

    Blow may be FaF, however there is nothing better than getting stoned the day after a snowstorm to help the jitters

    14 years ago at 12:58 am
  10. 69dodge

    Don’t tell me what to do, asshole. I didn’t see any hippies in class yesterday because I didn’t go to class yesterday, thankyouverymuch. I sat around “drooling” and red-eyed listening to the Allman Brothers and then played some football out on the lawn. It was a glorious fucking day.

    I’m sorry that you still listen to 1950s reefer madness propoganda and feel this need to preach about marijuana. Also, and I’m sorry that you think people “drool” when they’re high rather than having insane cottonmouth.

    14 years ago at 8:51 am
    3. 69dodge

      I’m not offended. I’m just calling out “the General” because he’s a penis pump.

      14 years ago at 7:07 pm
  11. Texas Fraturday

    “We just spent our first semester at college.” Hippies corrupting the youth. I am still waiting for South Park to make an episode about fraternities.

    14 years ago at 9:35 am
    1. Fish Hunt Frat

      They already had an episode where a bunch of ATO’s butt fucked a cop who was pretending to be a stripper.

      14 years ago at 9:54 am