Stranger Looking For “Johnny” At Missouri State PIKE Shockingly Robs The House Blind

El Taco7 years ago

If waking up to a stranger sitting on top of you asking “Where’s Johnny” isn’t one of the most confusing things ever then I don’t know what is.

A group of thieves, one who was apparently looking for someone named Johnny, allegedly stole thousands of dollars worth of stuff from Missouri State’s PIKE house on April 21.

From The Standard:

“Where’s Johnny at?” asked a thief after waking Madison Arteaga, a sophomore studying dietetics, and her boyfriend at the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house in the early morning hours on April 21.

The thief was attempting to take Arteaga’s phone, laying on her boyfriend, as they slept. After waking up, her boyfriend asked the thief what he was doing. The thief merely asked about “Johnny,” and Arteaga’s boyfriend told him to leave. That was the last time the thief has been seen since the incident.
…
Arteaga also said she doesn’t know of any “Johnny” living at the fraternity house.

The thieves stole Apple products including a MacBook and iPad, game consoles, cellphones, wallets, cash, headphones and a phone charger sometime after 4 a.m.

It’s supposed to be “Herrrrrrrrre’s Johnny,” ya idiot.

It’s one thing to ransack a fraternity house, it’s another to do it while looking for someone that apparently doesn’t even live in that fraternity house. How would you feel if you bought a new car and then I stole it while yelling “this is Johnny’s car!” as I drove away? You’d be like, “But…but it’s not though. Da fuq?” as you throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care.

It apparently wasn’t the first time the thieves were spotted at the house that night.

From The Standard:

Arteaga said, and police reports confirm, there were claims from fraternity members that they saw the thieves wandering through the house earlier that night, around 11 p.m.

The men who saw the thieves believed they were friends of someone else in the fraternity, Arteaga said.

So, when people ask why there’s a “No Random Guys” policy at fraternity houses when every girl under the sun is allowed in, you can show them this. I don’t recall many reports where sorority girls ransacked a fraternity house, throwing laptops and game consoles into big ol’ Santa bags and running off into the night. Women prefer more of the one-on-one kind of crime, like going ham with a baseball bat to the Xbox after their boyfriend plays too much Fortnite and not enough sexy time. I’ve seen it before. A total tragedy.

From the sounds of it, this case isn’t real close to resolved as police say they have no suspects thus far. My guess is they don’t go to school there, nor are they good humans. But, then again, this is southwest Missouri we’re talking about. Nothing that a little Sunday church, sin repenting and graduation from a local technical college can’t fix..

[via The Standard]

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