Stripper Etiquette At The Fraternity House

HacksawJimDuggan12 years ago

Strippers are an irreplaceable staple of the fraternity rush schedule. For decades these normally big-chested and always loose women have been compensated for both entertaining and humiliating 18-year-old rushees. In some college towns there are legendary frat house strippers. These ladies perform year after year, fraternity after fraternity, and still deliver time after time. They’re sexual artists who should be respected for providing unrivaled amusement, unforgettable memories, and shame boners. It is important to know, though, as a rush chairman, or an active, just how to handle the situations that could arise with these erotic performers.

Choose your strippers wisely. Those hoes are doing more than just pitching tents in your rushees’ shorts; they’re sending a message about a fraternity. Avoid c-section scars.

Provide refreshments. Keystone and Kentucky Deluxe for everyone should do the trick. The classiness of your alcohol should be concurrent with the classiness of your entertainment. There’s no need to get fucking fancy, but champagne for bottle popping is acceptable (ideally to be poured on the naked ladies). Remember, though, the majority of your money should be spent ensuring the quality of your entertainers.

Provide stripper fuel, AKA dollar bills. You need to be providing the full experience of a real strip club for rushees that likely haven’t been to one yet.

Monitor trouble. There will always be a few rushees that take things way too damn far (by calling the strippers “whores”) or are just straight creepy (look out for stealth masturbation). Handle those freaks appropriately.

Do not underestimate the element of surprise. Promise these kids “an unforgettable night,” and then drop the bomb on them when they arrive. Don’t just tell them, “It’s stripper night.” Also, keep in mind that being surprised with a porn star, ethnic or midget stripper leaves a much bigger impression.

Encourage the rushees to get rowdy. Get them hollering, cheering, and tipping. The rowdier the crowd, the better the show.

Host a good pre-game. Nobody wants to stare into the depths of a stripper’s b-hole sober. Beer pong, flip-cup, shotguns, etc. Get those kids fucking excited before they get excited for fucking. Hell, maybe even play Asher Roth once or twice. “I Love College” gets a rushee wetter than a mermaid’s vagina.

Set up an adequate stage and seating, and let the rushees sit up front, obviously. The stage should be ready to play host to chairs, poles, or any other accessories your strippers might need. Encourage the strippers to pull the rushees onstage and do with them as they please.

If the strippers request any dessert-themed items, get them. It will be worth it.

One night can make or break a fraternity’s potential fall pledge class, but no single event comes with as high a risk, or as high a reward, as stripper night. The shows I personally witnessed when I was a rushee left strong impressions on me that will affect my sexual appetite for the rest of my life. In a 10-day span I was stripped down and covered in chocolate syrup, witnessed ass-to-ass action twice, and got a picture of a pledge brother being paddled by a legendary stripper. Now get out there and provide those kids with some fucked up fucking memories.