The 2016 Fraternity All-Name Team

Jared Borislow10 years ago

It’s no secret that fraternities showcase the most high-class names that our great country has to offer. And, thanks to our families’ storied heritages and the almost hilarious rampancy of nepotism we were born into, we can be sure that fraternities will remain a wealthy bastion of preppy names until the liberals finally win and destroy our hallowed bonds of fraternal organization once and for all (so, in effect, forever).

Here is the 2016 Fraternity All-Name Team, arranged in terms of fraternity hierarchy.

• Jackson Monroe
• Carlton S. Hanson
• James Q. Pennyweight
• John Edward “Jack” Hennessey III
• Remington Muzzleworth
• Kennedy Washington
• Campbell Phipps
• Preston Ashmont
• Harrison Bentley

• Tucker Alexander Carrington IV
• Chustin Charles Chambers
• T. Jameson Beauregard
• Johnny Powerfade
• Todd Boatright
• Burt Stuff
• Montgomery Bullworth XII
• P. Parks Parker
• Richard “Dick” Dipper
• Davis Jefferson
• V. Hardy Stump
• Robert E. Pee
• Anderson W. Martin IV
• Martin M. Anderson VI
• Kenneth Whiskeydick
• Edward P. Fuck
• Bud Weiserbier
• Ronald Rambottom
• Walter Nigel Prominence V
• Ken Tucker Derby

• Risk Manager: Burt Control
• Sergeant-at-Arms: Carlboro Redds
• Historian: Trip Von Trap IV
• Secretary: Guy Fratz
• Treasurer: Augustus National
• Vice President: Cash Hazington
• President: Reagan Bush LXXXIV (84).

Does one of your fraternity brothers have a name worthy of being on this list? Send a photo of his composite picture to jared@totalfratmove.com