The 5 Types of Breasts
13 years ago

Droopy Tits

Due to the amazing advancements in modern lingerie technology, Droopy Tits are often hard to spot until the moment you’re about to hoist your face in between them. It seems girls with this ailment have been facing an 18+ year vicious battle with gravity, a war gravity is clearly winning.

I’m not saying that a pair of Droopers is a game-ending situation as far as hookups go, I just prefer a pair of breasts that don’t remind me of a sad lonely clown.

While these saggy sweater puppies can be difficult to spot in a clothed environment, it isn’t impossible. If a girl looks like she’s having trouble breathing, and her cleavage looks like something out of a burlesque wet dream, chances are she’s strangling the fuck out of those suckers to prevent the world from knowing she has grandma-saggys.

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    1. ThinkThereforeFRAT

      Indeed rather fine. I once had a slam with pillows. She was rather skinny, short and loved to swallow. But I was young then, and found a way to complain. Maybe it’s because I’m a connoisseur of sorts, but I value a good areola/overall size ratio. Big boobs that are paired with small nips and areaola are the pinnacle.

      13 years ago at 3:47 pm
    2. MajorRucco

      ^^way to have the attention span of a rodent. I imagine your train of thought goes something like this: (Big Boobs)–>(Horny)–>(Confederate Jingle)–>(Lee’s Face)–>(Love Splooge)

      13 years ago at 10:12 pm
  5. Fratistocrat

    I came here for the picture, expecting more, and was thoroughly disappointed. You just can’t get anything right. Good words though.

    13 years ago at 2:46 pm
    4. holdin pee in for u

      Dorn, you mind putting some of those perky handfuls up for us admire?

      13 years ago at 2:57 pm
    7. Brobert F Kennedy

      This is the first column in a while that doesn’t leave me thinking how this place has gone down hill.

      13 years ago at 6:54 pm
    1. StuffFratPeopleLike

      Working on that, don’t worry you’ll have plenty for the spank bank on this column in a few minutes.

      13 years ago at 2:56 pm
      1. Uncle Sam hates GDIs

        Don’t fucking talk. Just do what we tell you to do and shut your list loving mouth.

        11 years ago at 3:41 pm
    5. anon7472974648

      This article would be better if it had a Kate Upton gif. Dorn or Intern, ball’s in your court.

      13 years ago at 5:42 pm
  10. Unimpressed

    Damn good article, lot of truth there. Frat on. However, I will say that the itty-bitty-titty package seems to come with better accessories much more often than the pillow pack. Small tits & great body > massive ones with love handles included.

    13 years ago at 2:53 pm
    1. fratmydickbitch

      it’s the man’s number one goal to find that “perfect proportion” of pillow tit’s, and size 0 in jeans.

      13 years ago at 3:09 pm
    2. ThinkThereforeFRAT

      Smaller nips and areolæ are important as well, I’d prefer to not be reminded of National Geographic while railing. But I am going to assume that Unimpressed was referring to that when he said better accessories.

      13 years ago at 4:15 pm
    3. Frat Blue Ribbon

      I’ll agree with you, unimpressed, if and only if the plank-package has the fattest and most perfect ass of all time to compensate for her lack of bust.

      13 years ago at 10:01 pm