The 5 Types of Breasts
13 years ago

Invisi-Tits

Maybe it was genes, maybe it was bad luck, maybe it’s punishment for sexual deviancy in her past life; no matter what, the least favorable knockers out there are the ones that barely exist. If that low cut shirt makes it look like she has two strategically placed ant-bites on her chest, it might be time to move on to bigger and better things (never has that phrase been more literal).

I’m not saying that these girls should be immediately disregarded, in many cases the girl in question has made a significant effort to compensate for her lack of chesticles. This could mean an exceptionally pretty face, great ass, or at the very least a morally casual attitude.

Invisi-Tits aren’t the worst quality a girl can have, but I don’t think a washboard chest will become synonymous with sexy anytime soon. My suggestion is to move on, at least until she can wrangle up enough cash to put a little more “fun” in those funbags.

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    1. ThinkThereforeFRAT

      Indeed rather fine. I once had a slam with pillows. She was rather skinny, short and loved to swallow. But I was young then, and found a way to complain. Maybe it’s because I’m a connoisseur of sorts, but I value a good areola/overall size ratio. Big boobs that are paired with small nips and areaola are the pinnacle.

      13 years ago at 3:47 pm
    2. MajorRucco

      ^^way to have the attention span of a rodent. I imagine your train of thought goes something like this: (Big Boobs)–>(Horny)–>(Confederate Jingle)–>(Lee’s Face)–>(Love Splooge)

      13 years ago at 10:12 pm
  5. Fratistocrat

    I came here for the picture, expecting more, and was thoroughly disappointed. You just can’t get anything right. Good words though.

    13 years ago at 2:46 pm
    4. holdin pee in for u

      Dorn, you mind putting some of those perky handfuls up for us admire?

      13 years ago at 2:57 pm
    7. Brobert F Kennedy

      This is the first column in a while that doesn’t leave me thinking how this place has gone down hill.

      13 years ago at 6:54 pm
    1. StuffFratPeopleLike

      Working on that, don’t worry you’ll have plenty for the spank bank on this column in a few minutes.

      13 years ago at 2:56 pm
      1. Uncle Sam hates GDIs

        Don’t fucking talk. Just do what we tell you to do and shut your list loving mouth.

        11 years ago at 3:41 pm
    5. anon7472974648

      This article would be better if it had a Kate Upton gif. Dorn or Intern, ball’s in your court.

      13 years ago at 5:42 pm
  10. Unimpressed

    Damn good article, lot of truth there. Frat on. However, I will say that the itty-bitty-titty package seems to come with better accessories much more often than the pillow pack. Small tits & great body > massive ones with love handles included.

    13 years ago at 2:53 pm
    1. fratmydickbitch

      it’s the man’s number one goal to find that “perfect proportion” of pillow tit’s, and size 0 in jeans.

      13 years ago at 3:09 pm
    2. ThinkThereforeFRAT

      Smaller nips and areolæ are important as well, I’d prefer to not be reminded of National Geographic while railing. But I am going to assume that Unimpressed was referring to that when he said better accessories.

      13 years ago at 4:15 pm
    3. Frat Blue Ribbon

      I’ll agree with you, unimpressed, if and only if the plank-package has the fattest and most perfect ass of all time to compensate for her lack of bust.

      13 years ago at 10:01 pm