The 5 Worst Songs in America Right Now
13 years ago

I’m not sure what’s happened to popular music in the last 15 years, but it’s safe to say it’s gone from “Really bad” to “How are they even calling this music anymore?” It seems that every day another overproduced, oversimplified excuse for music comes out that would be much better used at Guantanomo Bay. I’m here today to highlight 5 such songs that truly deserve special recognition for their ability to make ears bleed at will.

“I’m Sexy and I Know It”

Is there anything really left to be said about LMFAO? After bringing us the catchy but mediocre polished turds of “I’m in Miami, Bitch” and “Party Rock Anthem,” one would think that this dysfunctional duo would have called it quits by now and enjoyed the millions of dollars they clearly don’t deserve.

How a group that looks like the aborted offspring of Sasha Baron Cohen and a retarded lion can make any claims of being “sexy” is truly beyond me. Every time I hear the astoundingly intelligent lyric, “Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah” a little part of me dies on the inside, and a much larger part of me wants to commit random acts of violence.

Who knew that you could take five repeated phrases and throw them on top of a shitty techno beat and become a millionaire?

It looks like the jokes on us, and the name LMFAO might be a little more prophetic than we realize. These guys are clearly laughing their fucking asses off about how successful their are, while we are forced to listen to their melodic genocide every time a girl is in charge of the iPod.

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  2. ClassyFratStar

    This column literally hurt to read. While I normally dismiss the TFM notifications that cross my Twitter feed, being a music lover, I felt I owed it to myself to see just what was deemed unacceptable by the high standards of the TFM staff. What I read gave me a bigger headache than “Rack City” usually does when it’s blasted out of car full of GDIs at a stop light. This column feels like it was written by a 12 year-old with a fecal fetish that just discovered profanity. While I agree that the music scene in America is fairly discouraging, the lack of musical depth of this playlist was only mirrored by the lack of intellectual and satirical depth of the post; all combined with the outdated relevance of Jimmy Carter and recent contraception debates. So you’re telling me rap is bad, Christina is a whore, popular bands sell out when they make it big, and a dubstep song (that’s not actually dupsteb) sucks? Thanks! Maybe next time you can write about how Michael Jackson was a pedophile or an equally ancient unoriginal topic? Please, go back to your day job. If this is your day job, take your writing back to high school where it belongs.

    13 years ago at 8:58 pm
    1. Fratlanta Falcons

      ^misspelled dubstep as dubsteb.

      Entire argument is suddenly null and void.

      13 years ago at 9:42 pm
    3. fratsofourfathers92

      And so, ClassyFratStar, is this your daytime job? You got quite a nice paragraph going on there, champ.

      13 years ago at 11:05 pm
    4. WhoDat

      Your comment may have been funny mr. falcons fan. but you still have 0 superbowl rings…

      13 years ago at 11:24 am
  3. Until I get tired

    These were all obviously terrible songs, at least create some damn controversy.

    13 years ago at 10:00 pm
    1. fratsofourfathers92

      Well, “it” does deserve to be here but I’m sure the intern knows we all fucking hate “it’s” guts.

      13 years ago at 11:07 pm
  11. Casey Franthony

    This is probably one of the worst, half assed articles I’ve read in a long time.

    13 years ago at 4:53 am