The 9 Best Pledge Education Songs

Alex Buscemi10 years ago

Locking pledges in a room and playing an annoying song on repeat for an extended period of time is a tried and true education technique. It pushes aspiring brothers to their mental limits without physical exertion and can be performed from the comfort of any household, which means you’re less likely to get slammed with allegations.

Pack your pledges in a small room, turn down the AC, crank up the volume, and blast these maddening tracks over and over.

9. Meow Mix Song (EDM Cat Remix) by Ashworth

At first this song seems tolerable. Catchy even. Wait until the fourth replay.

Aggravation Level: Stubbing your toe

8. Christmas Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks

After this, I couldn’t watch “My Name Is Earl” ever again.

Aggravation Level: Ingrown pubic hair

7. Revolution Number 9 – The Beatles

Not only did this drive me up the wall, but it I think I am now subconsciously hardwired to assassinate the leader of some foreign country when prompted by an unknown trigger.

Aggravation Level: Running out of toilet paper

6. Infantry Columns (2 Hour Loop) – Rudyard Kipling, recited by Taylor Holmes

Some sick bastard already looped this one for you. That’s how you know it’s perfect. Make pledges memorize it for some late night PT.

Aggravation Level: Getting cut off by someone with a “Hillary 2016” bumper sticker

5. Nyan Cat

I don’t know where that Pop Tart cat is headed, but hopefully it’s returning to the depths of hell from whence it came.

Aggravation Level: Sand in Sperrys

4. Squidward’s Suicide

If the volume is loud enough, then at least one pledge will piss himself. All of them will be haunted by the static moans of this track for years to come.

Aggravation Level: Nails on chalkboard

3. A Coconut Up Your Butt

It’s in my head! Get it out! GET IT OUT!

Aggravation Level: Alien worm embedded in brain

2. Mudkip 10 hours

Luckily, this one was also looped for you. If you keep those poor bastards in there for the whole 10 hours, make sure you bring ‘em some water.

Aggravation Level: Classmate’s presentation on how sexist “Entourage” is

1. Newborn Baby Crying

This track of a baby screaming and crying will have pledges clawing at the door after three minutes. Not only are the noises headache-inducing, but they trigger the innate human desire to care for an infant child in distress. It is a truly sadistic test of willpower.

Aggravation Level: “Let me out. I’m dropping.”.