The Actual Careers of NFL Replacement Refs
12 years ago

If you’ve turned on ESPN at least once this NFL season, you know the grim situation we’re in. Though the NFL thought it could get by for a few weeks with replacement refs while labor disputes continued, the sad fact is that a series of unacceptable calls have plagued our beloved league. It isn’t even close to okay, so I did a little research to find out some of this scab’s credentials. Needless to say, they aren’t exactly the most impressive résumés. Note that, as much as I would like to be kidding, these are all these guy’s actual jobs.

Jim Core- NAIA, Frontier Conference, and Arena Football ref. Also a middle school teacher in Idaho, because no way three bottom of the barrel leagues can pay you enough to survive.

Jerry Frump- D1 and D3 official, who had experience during the 2001 NFL lockout (so he’s used to the mediocrity).

Matt Nicks- Tennessee high school football official. This guy must be shitting himself nervous every week.

Craig Ochoa- Former Lingerie Football League referee. Not even kidding.

David White- Another Tennessee high school football ref. Tennessee high school football must be a pass-interference laden wasteland.

Wayne Bernier- Official for 6v6 high school football in Amarillo, Texas. Because those extra 5 guys couldn’t possibly make that much of a difference, right?

Mike Peek- Another 2001 replacement “veteran.” I can only assume he’s suicidal at this point.

Mike Wilmoth- High school social studies teacher, and baseball coach in Kansas. Close enough?

Shannon Eastin- The first female official to ever work an NFL preseason and regular season game. Has 16 years experience officiating for the Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference. Sadly, the chick has one of the most impressive credentials.

Alvin Thomas- High School ref in the Central Florida. On the bright side, he was good enough to get selected for the high school playoffs officiating squad.

Lance Easley- Junior College football and basketball referee. Also the guy who blew the end of the game call in the Packers-Seahawks game. This guy’s life has been better.

Brian Stropolo- Avid New Orleans Saints fan who made no attempt to hide his affiliations. Professional dumbass.

Eric Joe- Sacramento High School football ref, and spent some time reffing Junior Colleges in Northern California.

Rusty Spindel- The shining light of the scab refs. 25 years of BCS experience, and he’s still probably terrible at his job.

Henry Zaborniak- Assistant Commissioner of the Ohio High School Athletic Association. Commissioner, referee, what’s the difference right?

Aaron Schrein- High school teacher and Patriot League referee. It seems that high schools nationwide are feeder programs for replacement officials.

Michael Varner- Watched a football game once.

Peter Shafer- Soccer official who figured “How much different could it possibly be?”

Calvin White- Won an ESPN fantasy football contest for the right to become a replacement referee.

Okay, so maybe those last few weren’t real, but I wish I could say the same for the others. As collective bargaining between the league and the officials trickles at a snail’s pace, I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT. We as Americans and NFL followers commit quite a bit of our time and money to the professional version of the sport we love, and with each passing week the sanctity of the sport falls more and more into question. I don’t blame these refs; most (if not all) of them have been called up from positions where being an average ref is not only permissible, it is the norm.

While there will always be complaints about referees in every sport known to humanity, none of the professionals in the National Football League would ever make so glaring a mistake as giving a team an extra challenge, timeout, or incorrectly assessing yards on a penalty. I can only hope that in due time this crisis will be resolved and I can start cursing incessantly at professional officials on my television screen, instead of this consortium of high school teachers and DIII amateurs.

    2. thunderthor

      You sure it wasn’t because you were funneling booze in your butt with a beer bong? Phi Phi amiright?!?!

      12 years ago at 12:01 pm
    2. Plan B is Plan A

      There are rare cases of unions that actually serve to improve product quality (instead of being a cocoon for the lazy like most unions are). The NFL refs union has proven in three short weeks that it falls under the former category. NFL tickets already cost like $200 a game. I’m willing to throw in another buck for their 401k if it buys me the assurance that my team won’t be fucked over by some idiot who’s making calls based on Arena League rules.

      12 years ago at 11:06 am
    3. Miz_Secpledge

      No, Fuck Unions. The only difference is that this union isn’t bankrupting a state government. The NFL doesn’t get bossed around by unions.

      12 years ago at 11:15 am
    4. BamaForRomney

      ^^That’t not the correlation to take from this. Clearly, the replacement refs have lacking resumes. That’s the difference. Without a union, we would get the same professionals we’re used to, they would perform even better, and the natural free market would likely increase their pay. It would definitely set their pay at the proper value.

      12 years ago at 11:34 am
    5. anon574839201

      Romney should pay for the wage increase. That kind of Power Move alone would lock up the next 2 elections.

      12 years ago at 11:37 am
    6. Alexander Hamilton

      Look up monopsony. It’s a single buyer in an entire market, which leads to an inefficient, noncompetitive market. That, of course, would lead to wages below market prices, and shitty referees. Unions in this situation balance that. Suck it bamaforromney. It’s ok to use economics, but at least have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.

      12 years ago at 12:56 pm
    7. Bourbon Cowboy

      Yeah, fuck unions. Who needs an 8 hour day, a 40 hour week, a safe workplace, a pension and a middle class? Let’s go back to feudalism, or better yet, let’s follow the Chinese example. Union labor and union quality built this country. And it gives the masses of workers just enough incentive and hope to keep them from putting our heads in guillotines. This is not a conservative or liberal point of view, it’s a historical fact. Restore the integrity of the N.F.L. and pay the refs what they deserve.

      12 years ago at 1:05 pm
    8. Dorns_Boy_Toy

      ^ You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Henry Ford’s workers on the assembly line, back in the day of the Model T, were some of the most well paid workers in the world. Adjusted for inflation, they made equivalent of $2500 per week, producing the highest quality of goods the world had seen with NO unions. Go ahead and walk that shellacking off, bud.

      12 years ago at 4:27 pm
    9. SigmaPiandBeerDie

      To the guy who said the NFL referee market is a monopsony, and therefore the referees need a union to balance the market: you’re wrong. Bama is right; fuck the union. As it is now, the market for referee labor is a bilateral monopoly. The NFL is essentially the only buyer and the union is essentially the only seller. This has, and continuously and undoubtedly will lead to unstable bargaining. The agreement will change from year to year and some years no agreement will be reached (no NFL season or inferior, “replacement refs”). Essentially, view it through Nash theory with the addition of consistent behavior from play to play (year to year). Currently, the union is in the weak bargainer position and can hold that position or elect an outcome of zero. The negotiation happens when both sides propose the portion of the surplus they would like to gain, and a solution is only met if both the sum of both demands are consistent (reaching under or at the surplus), whereby the remaining surplus would be divided equally. Should the sum of the demands be inconsistent, the outcome is simply zero. This is all unstable so far. The reason for this is because the negotiations have really only been based on money in amount, which can provide no consistent behavior. Rather, the only solution to that would be viewing money as an intermediary, where the real negotiations are based on the marginal utility of the money to the income of each. And you can work through the proofs if you want to, but essentially a stability would be reached when the marginal utility is equal. So you and Obama can stop sucking the union’s dicks and allow us our freedom. A real free market has no need for unions, even in the presence of a monopsony. This is America, and equality is in opportunity, not wealth redistribution.

      12 years ago at 6:48 pm
    12. Bourbon Cowboy

      ^^^^ There were no unions in Henry Ford’s time? You should know basic American history if you are going to tell someone else that they don’t know what they are talking about, sport. The Henry Ford example supports my basic point. He had the vision to pay his workers enough to buy the products they were creating. A win-win for everyone involved. He didn’t do it out of altruism, however, he did it to keep unionization at bay. “Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost.” – Ronald Reagan (Former U.S. President and former President of the AFL-CIO affiliated Screen Actors Guild).

      12 years ago at 1:35 am
    14. Dorns_Boy_Toy

      ^^ HENRY FORD, did not use labor unions when he was paying $5 a day. He was AGAINST labor unions. Next.

      12 years ago at 11:08 pm
  6. Plan B is Plan A

    You know things have gotten out of hand when the most experienced person on the field is a goddamn woman.

    12 years ago at 11:00 am
  8. Fratin Howard Scobey

    I heard one of them was just a Foot Locker floor rep. Same uniform, whats the difference?

    12 years ago at 11:03 am
  10. The Law Firm

    Good ole Rusty Spindel….always getting the job done….wait, that’s the name of a guy too?

    12 years ago at 11:24 am