If 4 Of The Avengers Were Guys In Your Fraternity

ItalianStallion7 years ago

Come this Friday, the most anticipated movie of my lifetime (after Shrek 2) comes out: Avengers: Infinity War. What does its release mean? Come Friday night, people from all walks of life — from nerds to jocks, adults to kids — will be sitting in front of a movie screening watching Thanos try to destroy the world.

The more I watch the Marvel movies, the more the characters remind me of people I know. They don’t just remind me of any people, either; their personalities are very reminiscent of guys from my fraternity and pretty much any fraternity to ever exist. For example…

Iron Man

Definitely the alpha male of the fraternity. He used to be a deranged, irresponsible party boy. Fast forward through one threat of expulsion and two rounds of court-“recommended” rehab and his life has done a complete 180. He became president of not only the fraternity, but of the school’s Greek Senate. Also, he’s a closet genius. He rides a 4.0 GPA with minimal work and surprised everyone when he said he’s a Quantum Physics Ph.D. candidate. He has the richest parents in all of the fraternity and shows it off. Unfortunately, all of the cocaine and Beemers in the world won’t fill the void in his life left by the absence of his father’s love. Why did you always have to spend so much time working, dad?!

Captain America

Hands down the most patriotic guy in the fraternity. He shows up to mixers wearing nothing but a speedo and an American flag cape, even when the theme has nothing to do with it. Whenever he wins any drinking game, whether it be flip cup or beer pong, he starts loudly chanting “U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!” He’s on the fraternity executive board as vice president, so he has a love/hate relationship with Iron Man. He was able to beat the freshman fifteen by putting on a few pounds of muscle, and is an American history major.

Thor

The fraternity foreign guy. He’s not a foreign exchange student; he just moved to America at a young age and still has a foreign flair about him. And let me tell you — chicks love that. He walks around campus with his long blonde hair flowing in the wind, catching the attention of every girl who comes in contact with him. You can’t confirm it, but you’re pretty sure he holds the campus-wide record for most matches on Tinder. He’s your fraternity’s social chair because one look at him and his luscious Nordic hair and there isn’t a sorority that wouldn’t want to mix with you. Whenever you need him, he’s always at the gym. Like, always; he literally spends hours there. He even skips class to go to the gym sometimes. He does have a brother, Loki, who rushed a different fraternity at a different college. Loki’s chapter got kicked off campus for causing too much destruction, which caused him to become the campus emo kid who does skateboard tricks in front of the dining hall.

Spider-Man

A freshman from the newest pledge class who’s annoying as shit. You love the kid, but he’s so darn enthusiastic and excited about everything it starts to grind your gears. Not only was he his pledge class president, he was also the super pledge. Now that he’s been initiated as an active brother, he never wears anything but letters. Every time he sees another brother on campus, he runs up to them and asks, “Yo, when we throwing down next?” He’s a good kid, but you can only take him in small doses. Iron Man was his big and always sticks up for him. Without a doubt, this kid is going to be running for recruitment chair..

Image via Shutterstock