The Beauty Of Roof Drinking

Roof Drinking

Drinking is a product of its environment. If you’re at a high-octane party, chances are your consumption methods involve more paraphernalia and titties than a Bangkok sex dungeon. At the bar, you’re more interested in those babes in the booth over or what’s on TV than you are on anything else. It requires a certain mindset to drink like that, one that’s prepared for equal parts imbibing and socializing. If you can wake up every morning ready to party your face off, then good on you. Chances are you’re too busy being hand deep in a honey hole to even read this, or anything for that matter. If you’re not that guy, then you know that the best setting for casual beers is on the roof.

Not only does a roof grant the freedom associated with other forms of outdoor drinking, it does so with panache. It’s scientifically proven that elevation makes things better. Why else would people yearn for penthouses over walk-ups? Your station in life has a direct correlation with how high up you are, and your decision to drink on the roof reflects that. Not only is your chill factor sky high, but it comes with the added benefit of surveying your domain. Regardless of which roof you choose, you’ll find your boozing is so much better.

In the meat of college years well-spent, the house roof is a go-to spot. The ability to lord over passing peasants as you crack brews on home turf is a game changer. As you look over the ramparts of your castle, a beer in hand, it’s evident to any un-anointed pedestrians that their lot in life is inferior to yours. No matter how many band t-shirts they collect, or how much ultimate they play, the hallowed surface of that roof will never be open to them. Your conversations, ranging from the nipple size of ladies you’ve met to the mysteries of human existence, are ones that will never fall on unworthy ears. All of that will cross their minds in the time it takes to gaze upon superior specimens literally situated above them. No matter how relaxed or rowdy the situation, it’s one such people will never know.

Flash forward to your post grad years, and you’ll become acquainted with the roof of an apartment. The wide-open space lends itself perfectly to lawn chairs or kiddie pools and lets you turn up some jams as high as you please. After a long day at an internship or the office, absolutely nothing eclipses a couple brews on the roof while Three Dog Night reminds you that Jeremiah was a bullfrog. You’ll probably have your inner circle whittled down to a visiting pledge brother and a few cool people from work, so nobody’s looking to stick a funnel in their mouth anymore. They just want to drink the way our forefathers intended and maybe grab some pizza or hit the bar after. On the other hand, if you’re just looking for a solo drink-and-think, your roof becomes a bastion of tranquility. With only the city and a speaker to keep you company, you’re looking at an hour or so of real reflection.

There’s nothing wrong with house parties. They make for good nights and better stories. When you’re looking for a place to tell those stories though, your roof is a true bastion of freedom and fellowship. Regardless of your intent, whether it be establishing dominance or escaping the world, it’s one of the last places you can have a beer on your own terms. As long as you don’t live too close to the edge, you’ll find yourself in a rare kind of paradise. Pay it a visit whenever you can, because nothing eases the mind like cold beer on raised surfaces.

  1. Drunk Chris Berman

    Roof beers is one of the best ways to kill those dog days of summer

    8 years ago at 1:47 pm
    1. The User Formerly Known as Frabst

      I found it’s also an incredibly easy way to kill a dog. RIP Slim Phil.

      8 years ago at 1:54 pm
    2. Makers_Master

      Yeah unless you’re in the middle of a Texas August and it hotter than Satans ballsack out.

      8 years ago at 1:55 pm
      1. Buck Wildman

        So cool off by jumping off the roof into the pool, as our forefathers would’ve wanted

        8 years ago at 2:10 pm
  2. lca_94

    Plus there’s always the chance you get the badge of honor that comes with being a roof fall survivor.

    8 years ago at 2:12 pm
  3. General_George_S_Fratton

    And there is no better way to bond with brothers then to collectively tell your risk manager to go fuck himself when he tells you to get down and falling is a “liability”

    8 years ago at 3:52 pm
  4. Schermerhorny Johnson

    I’m upset with the direction this sight has gone in the past 4 years. I remember the TFM that had articles you could relate to. Articles that made the reader feel proud and made us laugh from time to time. Now this site has turned into a try-hard joke spinning off news stories and throwing in “witty” commentary to give it that real TFM satirical feel. The only decent writers left of this site are Bacon and Boosh maybe. TFM is now a dying sun, burning bright as it expands, but it will inevitably implode if someone doesn’t change the direction it’s heading in. The guys that work their are smarter than this. Do the right thing and make this website great again.

    8 years ago at 7:21 pm
  5. GoBlueBalls

    Nothing like a beer in the front of the house. Roof, garage, stoop, so majestic.

    8 years ago at 9:17 pm