The Frat “Choose Your Own Adventure” Story

Rob Fox13 years ago

Bite the Bullet and Buy the Blow

Ok, so it’s time to play every frat-star’s favorite game; buy your way out of trouble. You head over to the ATM and take out 300 dollars while trying to conceal your PIN as best as you can. Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of enough cocaine to kill two Whitney Houstons.

Knowing you couldn’t possibly have a need for an entire half-ounce of cocaine, you decide to head back to your pledge brother’s room and have a run of the mill Pharm party. After an hour and a half of knocking down lines in a non-smoking room that reeks of Marlboro Reds, you head over to your room to see how your date is doing.

She’s passed the fuck out…dude you were gone for a while buying and doing coke…what’d you expect? You wake her up to see if she wants to keep raging, and like waking a Vietnam veteran with PTSD, she pounces on you like a cheetah in heat. I guess her daily quota of dick still hasn’t been met, because she is stripping you down faster than you can process the situation in your coked-out daze…oh yeah…you’re coked-out.

After 20 minutes of fooling around, and another five of her trying to turn your wet noodle into a stiff schnitzel, she finally gives up on your currently useless penis and passes out disappointed.

You Lose Formal…

But did you? I mean, you are so whacked out on Special-K’s white girl that you are probably going to go back to Bourbon Street and have some kick ass stories to never tell your kids.

Besides, she was a fucking six, seven at best.

P.S. If you’re ever on Canal and in need, look for the guy with the “K” tattoo near the Westin…

RETRY