The Frat “Choose Your Own Adventure” Story

Rob Fox13 years ago

Pay for Dinner

Chivalry isn’t dead, as you clearly demonstrate when you pull out the Platinum to pay for the meal. She smiles and gives the most typical bullshit girl line she can muster “Oh, you didn’t have to.” No shit you didn’t have to, you also didn’t have to pay $350 to bring this well breasted conquest along for the ride. But you did, and the least she can do is repay you for it with sexual favors. YOU ARE ONE STEP ABOVE A HOOKER.

After dinner the entire group returns to Bourbon, full and feisty, ready to commit to some unfortunate decisions. You and your date wander the street aimlessly, going back and forth enough times to qualify for a 5k, resupplying your drinks at every opportunity.

On your 13th lap of Bourbon Street, you finally locate a Big Ass Beer vendor, and decide to switch off the liquor for a bit to ensure your sergeant is able to stand at attention when the time comes. You tell your date to wait behind for a moment, but once you conquer the line, two Big Ass Beers in hand, she is nowhere to be found. Your concern is mild at this point, though you do understand that it’s going to be pretty hard to play with those exquisite mammaries if you can’t find the girl. You try her cell phone, and without ringing your hear the telltale tone of her voicemail. Her phone is dead, forcing you to play the most annoying game of “Where’s Waldo” ever.

Before you even have time to think, you spot McCoy and Reynolds arguing loudly with an elderly woman carrying a sign that says “REPENT YE SINNERS.” You laugh and join along as your group berates this overzealous redneck and her fire and brimstone nonsense. After successfully silencing the women, the three of you decide to share a victory Hand Grenade, as you all have clearly earned it.

After choking down another fluorescent fusion of liquors, you remember your date, now alone somewhere in the New Orleans regional area. Luckily, she had a room key, so there’s a slight chance she made it home, though it’s always possible she tried to play grab ass with a police horse and ended up shackled next to a 300lb woman named “Troy” in the station, or she could have been murdered by a sketchy cocaine dealer.

Of course, there’s also a chance that she’s just fine and is going to text you and try to find you later…in which case you might as well just wait for her in the strip club. No point in slowing down the fun, right? Decision time:

(Click your choice to continue)

CHECK YOUR ROOM

CHECK THE POLICE STATION

WAIT FOR HER AT STRIP CLUB