The Frat “Choose Your Own Adventure” Story
Pay for Dinner
Chivalry isn’t dead, as you clearly demonstrate when you pull out the Platinum to pay for the meal. She smiles and gives the most typical bullshit girl line she can muster “Oh, you didn’t have to.” No shit you didn’t have to, you also didn’t have to pay $350 to bring this well breasted conquest along for the ride. But you did, and the least she can do is repay you for it with sexual favors. YOU ARE ONE STEP ABOVE A HOOKER.
After dinner the entire group returns to Bourbon, full and feisty, ready to commit to some unfortunate decisions. You and your date wander the street aimlessly, going back and forth enough times to qualify for a 5k, resupplying your drinks at every opportunity.
On your 13th lap of Bourbon Street, you finally locate a Big Ass Beer vendor, and decide to switch off the liquor for a bit to ensure your sergeant is able to stand at attention when the time comes. You tell your date to wait behind for a moment, but once you conquer the line, two Big Ass Beers in hand, she is nowhere to be found. Your concern is mild at this point, though you do understand that it’s going to be pretty hard to play with those exquisite mammaries if you can’t find the girl. You try her cell phone, and without ringing your hear the telltale tone of her voicemail. Her phone is dead, forcing you to play the most annoying game of “Where’s Waldo” ever.
Before you even have time to think, you spot McCoy and Reynolds arguing loudly with an elderly woman carrying a sign that says “REPENT YE SINNERS.” You laugh and join along as your group berates this overzealous redneck and her fire and brimstone nonsense. After successfully silencing the women, the three of you decide to share a victory Hand Grenade, as you all have clearly earned it.
After choking down another fluorescent fusion of liquors, you remember your date, now alone somewhere in the New Orleans regional area. Luckily, she had a room key, so there’s a slight chance she made it home, though it’s always possible she tried to play grab ass with a police horse and ended up shackled next to a 300lb woman named “Troy” in the station, or she could have been murdered by a sketchy cocaine dealer.
Of course, there’s also a chance that she’s just fine and is going to text you and try to find you later…in which case you might as well just wait for her in the strip club. No point in slowing down the fun, right? Decision time:
(Click your choice to continue)
Is this fucking Cosmo?
13 years ago at 2:05 pmWay too fucking lazy to do this. Repost this during exam season when I have to do an all nighter on adderall.
13 years ago at 2:17 pmI’m entertained. Good Job.
13 years ago at 2:19 pmI won formal. Now that I have established my credibility, allow me to note that on an unrelated issue, Jeans are FaF. I’m sick of hearing this Jeans are NF shit. During the Cold War, Jeans were a symbol of Western decadence. The fucking Russians protested cause they wanted fucking blue jeans! It is representative of America’s dominance.
13 years ago at 2:19 pmThat’s the coolest fucking story I’ve ever heard
13 years ago at 2:34 pmThe story of America is always the coolest story, fuck you
13 years ago at 6:36 pmWrangler. FaF.
13 years ago at 1:45 amReal. Comfortable. Jeans.
13 years ago at 3:21 pmWhat the hell is this ? Pardon the Interruption?
13 years ago at 3:47 pmJeans are only FaF if worn with boots.
13 years ago at 10:18 amI’m too drunk for this.
13 years ago at 2:23 pmNo, there’s not enough boys for you for this.
13 years ago at 10:02 pmNot bad, but if Bacon had been writing it would have been gold.
13 years ago at 2:26 pmsuck his dick a little harder
13 years ago at 4:01 pm^You queer?
13 years ago at 1:47 amballrider
13 years ago at 3:07 pmSo I guess it’s impossible to end up fucking the top-tier bitch?
13 years ago at 2:33 pmThis
13 years ago at 6:58 pm^
13 years ago at 9:14 pmYeah I’m calling BS on it. You do everything right and she winds up half dead in a toilet. Is the moral of the story to always settle for the less hot slut? That’s fucking retarded.
13 years ago at 9:20 pmOn second try I had an orgy. So I guess it’s not all bad.
13 years ago at 9:27 pmThis is gayer than TCLutz’s genttips
13 years ago at 2:39 pmFirst time I’ve seen you on TFM, is he on TFM?
13 years ago at 2:41 pmOh hey FritoFrat
13 years ago at 2:43 pmHey!
13 years ago at 2:43 pmJust noticed the name, fuck you
13 years ago at 2:44 pmBe nice you all! Being Nice. RFM.
13 years ago at 3:19 pmT.C. Lutz @TCLutz 13m
13 years ago at 4:20 pmNothing wrong with a little Donkey Punch now and then, it might hurt her briefly, but it makes things better in the long run. #GentTips #RealTalk
“Ladies, just because one guy was a jerk to you doesn’t mean all guys are like that. Lose the jerk and find a gent.”
13 years ago at 4:34 pmI won formal but didn’t get laid. And shit, I still don’t know what happened to my date. She was a bitch but it’s not like I wanted her to be sold into human trafficking.
13 years ago at 2:46 pm