The Frat “Choose Your Own Adventure” Story

Rob Fox13 years ago

Check the Police Station

Bold move. Usually the last place anyone would willingly go in New Orleans, the police department is a logical choice when you remember how loudly and off-key your date was singing “American Pie” at Tropical Isle before you misplaced her.

As you open the double doors you take a deep breath and put on the soberest face your body can muster. You look fucking ridiculous, but you feel confident and that’s half the battle. Before the officer at the front desk can even look up, you loudly shout your date’s name and ask if “the cops fucking snagged her.”

The officer, an impatient looking middle aged black woman, shakes her head as her body language screams “I’ve done this so many fucking times today.” After a brief shuffle of papers and some typing, she delivers the result.

“We got her sir. Here’s the arrest report if you’re interested.”

You scan the arrest report, and find yourself unable to form any phrase other than “Holy shit,” after scanning the document.

It turns out your date not only viciously slapped an unmanned police horse on the ass, but consequently tried to mount it, hoping the officer nearby wouldn’t notice. As the 5-0 forced her body to the ground she screamed “IT’S OKAY, I HAVE A HORSEY AT HOME, DADDY BOUGHT IT FOR ME!”

Her 115 pound frame made struggling futile, and next thing she knew she was in a dingy orange jumpsuit behind bars. Looks like she won’t be processed until the morning, and your chances of getting laid after that are nonexistent.

Losing your date also led to her losing her clean arrest record…and oh yeah, you lost Formal.

RETRY