The Fraternity Alphabet

A is for America, our country and pride,
B is for the bullshit we told girls when we lied.
C is for the cockiness we all seem to share,
D is for being far too drunk to care.
E is for easy like the girl from last night,
F is, of course, for fraternity fights.
G is for grand-littles, the youngest of sisters,
H is for obnoxiously hitting on strippers.
I the involvement we avoid til we can’t,
J for the jobs our connections will grant.
K is for Kate Upton, I don’t need to say why,
L is for living like we’ll never die.
M is for making the best of our years,
N is never leaving behind empty beers.
O is for open container, a law we ignore,
P for this pledge class, bows and toes on the floor.
Q is for quickly, the way that we drink,
R is for ramming our junk in the pink.
S is for something…I got drunk and forgot,
T is for taking one too many shots.
U is undoing a freshman’s bra strap,
V for the glorious victory lap.
W for whiskey, the gentleman’s booze,
X is for Xanax (if that’s what you choose).
Y is for yoga pants, a reason worth living,
Z is for zero, the amount of fucks that we’re giving.


  1. Butt_Pee

    I found this very difficult to masturbate to. However the part about Kate Upton caused an inexplicable rush of blood to my penis just in time for me to jerk it.

    12 years ago at 5:02 pm
  2. Frattios and sperrys

    Stuff Frat People Like… do you actually know stuff frat people like?

    12 years ago at 5:07 pm
  3. TotalRatMoveSuperPAC

    No wonder Dorn has been feeling insecure. The columns have been pretty fucking terrible lately.

    12 years ago at 5:23 pm