The Future Has Arrived: Trade Your Gift Cards For Porn
12 years ago

Do you have a relative who gets you an Abercrombie gift card for Christmas because they think it’s what “all the cool kids wear?” Thanks to a new partnership between Naughty America and a site called PayGarden, you can turn that almost worthless piece of plastic into something you’ll actually use: good old fashioned American pornography.

It’s never too early to start earning that coal in your stocking next year, and with the ability to transform gift cards from nearly a hundred popular companies into full-fledged access to the Naughty America smut wagon, your journey to Santa’s bad side has never been easier.

Just how much porn can an unwanted gift card earn you? A $25 Starbucks card that no self-respecting man would use can now translate to 24 days of (mostly) shame-free masturbatory bliss.

Grandma might have preferred you get some new towels with that Bed Bath and Beyond gift card, but why not ruin the ones you already have when $50 worth gets you nearly seven weeks of access?

When asked about this promotional deal, Naughty America founder Andreas Hronopolous responded with some of the most infallible logic I’ve ever heard.

“Nothing says America like the freedom of choice,” he remarked. “Instead of using a gift card for a $5 coffee, you’re getting a porn subscription.”

Dude has got a point there. Porn equals patriotism, and it’s practically your duty as an American to get rid of that Barnes & Noble card and to start your New Year’s resolution with a one-armed workout regimen.

Check out the site, and see all the gift cards that qualify here.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via PayGarden

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  2. Nat Frat Splats MTF

    The big question is do I return the 12 gauge that I purchased with Cabellas cards?

    12 years ago at 4:20 pm
    1. fratanomics

      Unless there was something mechanically wrong with that gun when you got it, you won’t be able to return it. For some reason, it’s a safety issue. I had a nice long talk with the store manager when they gave me a 20 gauge instead of the 12 gauge I purchased along with a few hundred dollars in 12 gauge shells and the copy of the 4473 which clearly stated I purchased a 12 gauge. They finally exchanged it after marking it as “defective.”

      Besides the gun is worth way more. You can get almost any kind of porn you want for free, usually instantly. Kind of hard to get a gun in a similar manner.

      12 years ago at 4:29 pm
  3. Toomers corner

    Too bad you can’t trade them in for hookers too, or I’d have about fifty dead ones in the basement

    12 years ago at 4:23 pm
  5. OMFratRebel

    Or, you know, you can just trade in the gift cards for cash online, and then resume watching porn for free.

    12 years ago at 4:29 pm
  10. Glory Glory

    Too bad they won’t accept all the Great Clips gift cards SFPL got for Christmas

    12 years ago at 4:59 pm