The GDI Starter Pack

Alex Buscemi9 years ago

Frat guys. Who needs ‘em? You don’t need to buy your friends. People will like you for you, dammit. Get your life as an independent, free thinking, open-minded college student started on the right Vans-covered foot with the all-new GDI Starter Pack.

American Eagle Cargos

Whoever came up with the phrase “If it flies, it dies” will eat their words when they see you soar in a pair of these bad boys (literally, if the pockets are empty and there’s a strong gust of wind). They’re perfect for holding all the anonymous love poems you’ll slide under doors in the girls’ dormitory.

Crocs

Comfortable. Cheap. Durable. Stylish. They’re waterproof, too, which will come in handy when you stroll past a group of hunnies. Complete the look with a pair of white tube socks.

Bernie Button

Show your support for the People’s Candidate with this Bernie 2016 button. It doesn’t matter if Bernie is basically out of the race. Wear it everywhere you go until the big day in November – and for a year after that, too. For maximum effect, wear it while you demand free hand outs from the government, then bitch about how “frat guys have everything handed to them.”

Fedora

Sup, m’ladies? Nothing adds a sense of danger and intellect to your look quite like the raw, old school sex appeal of the fedora. It’s designed with black-and-white checkers to give you the broodiness of a ’30s gangster as well as the free-spiritedness of a punk rocker. Tuck in your greasy locks and tip the lid when women walk by. When she stops to talk to you – which she will – be sure to tell her that religion is a sham created for power and money. The edginess will blow her mind.

Vape Pen

This vape pen is fucking stacked. She comes fully equipped with a dry herb atomizer, a wax tank coil, an Atmos kiln, a custom aquamizer, three skillet heaters, and a dual coil ceramic cartridge. Got all that? Good, because you have to repeat it to everyone you see.

Hoverboard

Some people say hoverboards are “toys for children” or that they “spontaneously combust.” Don’t believe it. When you hop on this Smart Balance Dual Roller and bust a 360 spin on campus like a tornado of sex, the only thing that will explode is your bitch’s ovaries.

Graphic Tee

This graphic tee has a mean ass skull on it to remind everyone that the sweet embrace of death is the only thing that’s promised in life, and chains to represent society’s imprisonment of your true self. Also available: Sonic the Hedgehog, a joker face from The Dark Knight, a leather vest, or a cat wearing glasses.

The Album “Lady Is A Cat” By Antioch Arrow

Ever heard of them? Exactly.

Guy Fawkes Mask

Wear this to the next campus protest and you’ll freak people the fuck out. The edge is almost too much.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

Order your very own GDI Starter Pack in the next 30 minutes, and we’ll throw in not one, but two bottles of premium, hypoallergenic hand lotion.

Now get out there and be yourself! You special person you..

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