The Natty Daddy
During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:
In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.
Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.
Nobody tucks their boner.
MIPs turn into PIs.
Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.
Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.
Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.
.08 turns into .32
In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.
People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.
Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.
Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.
There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.
Continue the list in the Comments section below…
You put your life savings into lemonade securities knowing that “this” is the competition
13 years ago at 2:43 pmInstead of puking in the shower, you shit out the window.
13 years ago at 2:45 pmTFM^
13 years ago at 7:20 pmTFTC.
13 years ago at 8:11 pmhahahaha well done
13 years ago at 10:56 amThere’s a 17% chance you’re stab proof
13 years ago at 2:47 pm100% sure ur STD proof.
13 years ago at 4:01 pm0% sure you’re vomit proof
13 years ago at 4:45 pmYou’re 50% sure you used a condom..
13 years ago at 10:05 pm99%… wait fuck that percent.
13 years ago at 11:11 pm^^ this!
13 years ago at 10:01 am60% of the time it works every time
13 years ago at 10:34 amOne of the best columns in a while. Frat on sir.
13 years ago at 2:51 pmA horseshoe lipper turns into a full can at once.
13 years ago at 2:51 pmthis^
13 years ago at 3:59 pmand the spins begin
13 years ago at 10:20 pm^only if you can’t handle your shit
13 years ago at 12:13 amRevision: A horsehoe lipper turnes into a double decker.
13 years ago at 8:47 ami always roar like a lion
13 years ago at 2:54 pmshutup wil
13 years ago at 3:34 pmInstead of peeing in her butt, you give her the complete golden shower
13 years ago at 2:54 pm^This is gold…literally
13 years ago at 8:13 pm^^^Fucking this!
13 years ago at 9:53 pmFrat the Fuck On!
13 years ago at 10:39 pmYou wake up in a japanese family’s rec room, and they do not stop screaming.
13 years ago at 2:55 pmYou aren’t really sure were you got that grenade.
13 years ago at 4:48 pmWhere*
13 years ago at 4:49 pmnot since Nam my good sir, not since Nam…
13 years ago at 8:48 amThe entire house turns into a dartboard for glass bottles
13 years ago at 2:56 pmThat’s fairly standard.
13 years ago at 9:21 amThe next morning the entire pledge class is in a mass grave out back.
13 years ago at 2:56 pm^this
13 years ago at 3:07 pmThey were fucked anyway.
13 years ago at 4:37 pm…That they dug for themselves.
13 years ago at 5:22 pmThe ultimate blackball.
13 years ago at 12:42 am^^^^ fucking this!
13 years ago at 10:04 amCracking up nice work
13 years ago at 8:45 pm