The Natty Daddy
During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:
In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.
Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.
Nobody tucks their boner.
MIPs turn into PIs.
Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.
Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.
Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.
.08 turns into .32
In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.
People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.
Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.
Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.
There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.
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You drop a steaming pile in the middle of the office of student conduct, then carry on as if nothing has happened.
13 years ago at 2:58 pm5 grams of cocaine intake turns into 15 grams.
13 years ago at 2:58 pmThe house is missing a pillar the next morning
13 years ago at 3:02 pmMidnight beer run turns into ski-masked armed robbery.
13 years ago at 3:08 pmYes, I laughed loudly.
13 years ago at 8:04 pm^Oh, okay.
13 years ago at 9:54 pmYou black out for a week and wake up mid-thrust inside the Dean’s wife.
13 years ago at 3:11 pmhahahaha good shit
13 years ago at 3:26 pm*daughter.
13 years ago at 7:03 amWife**
13 years ago at 8:41 amBoth***
13 years ago at 9:12 amtwo dicks? TFM?
13 years ago at 11:40 amYES. TFM.
13 years ago at 6:41 pmWhat would have been a debate to hit the bars before last call turns into a trip to mexico
13 years ago at 3:13 pmWhat’s it like to go to UTEP?
13 years ago at 6:07 pmHahahahahahahaha^^ UTEP almighty help me that place is over run with immigrants.
13 years ago at 10:00 am^^UTEP= Junior College of Cuidad Juarez
13 years ago at 7:19 pm^Yes.
13 years ago at 10:53 amYour 2am slam call ends up with you ordering couple of strippers.
13 years ago at 3:13 pmmeaning you have no slams and have to call strippers by yourself. Strippers are great, as a gift, not as a resolution to your probable “i’m lonely, I drink by myself, and I jack off using my tears as lubricant”
13 years ago at 7:06 pm^too far
13 years ago at 8:27 pmYou simultaneously sneeze/shart and refuse to shower.
13 years ago at 3:16 pmtake a lap
13 years ago at 7:05 pm“Let’s get a game of poker together” turns into “Fuck it. Let’s drive to Vegas.”
13 years ago at 3:16 pmOr “Fuck it. Let’s start a cockfighting syndicate.”
13 years ago at 5:27 pm^Always a good way to make some quick cash
13 years ago at 8:16 pmThe composite raid on other houses is kicked off by a Tahoe crashing through the front door like the goddamn Kool-Aid man.
13 years ago at 3:16 pm