The Natty Daddy

During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:

In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.

Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.

Nobody tucks their boner.

MIPs turn into PIs.

Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.

Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.

Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.

.08 turns into .32

In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.

People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.

Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.

Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.

There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.

Continue the list in the Comments section below…

  1. Teddy__Brosevelt

    You drop a steaming pile in the middle of the office of student conduct, then carry on as if nothing has happened.

    13 years ago at 2:58 pm
  2. WagonWheel24

    What would have been a debate to hit the bars before last call turns into a trip to mexico

    13 years ago at 3:13 pm
    1. Haze that raCOON

      Hahahahahahahaha^^ UTEP almighty help me that place is over run with immigrants.

      13 years ago at 10:00 am
    1. Fratty Walker Blue

      meaning you have no slams and have to call strippers by yourself. Strippers are great, as a gift, not as a resolution to your probable “i’m lonely, I drink by myself, and I jack off using my tears as lubricant”

      13 years ago at 7:06 pm
  3. Dillon Cheverere

    “Let’s get a game of poker together” turns into “Fuck it. Let’s drive to Vegas.”

    13 years ago at 3:16 pm
  4. BroCheese

    The composite raid on other houses is kicked off by a Tahoe crashing through the front door like the goddamn Kool-Aid man.

    13 years ago at 3:16 pm