The Natty Daddy
13 years ago

During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:

In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.

Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.

Nobody tucks their boner.

MIPs turn into PIs.

Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.

Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.

Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.

.08 turns into .32

In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.

People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.

Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.

Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.

There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.

Continue the list in the Comments section below…

  7. With All Due Respect

    After chugging the beer, instead of crushing the can on your head, you swallow it whole and shit it out like a catapult at a pledge duct taped to a wall.

    13 years ago at 3:25 pm