The Natty Daddy
During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:
In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.
Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.
Nobody tucks their boner.
MIPs turn into PIs.
Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.
Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.
Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.
.08 turns into .32
In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.
People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.
Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.
Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.
There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.
Continue the list in the Comments section below…
You’re begging for your mom’s breastmilk.
13 years ago at 3:45 pmThe pledge class wakes up as alumni
13 years ago at 3:51 pm^ this haha.
13 years ago at 3:56 pm^^Grand
13 years ago at 10:00 pmInstead of pissing in your bed, you shit on the ceiling
13 years ago at 3:52 pmYour whole chapter goes and drops it’s load on Ohio State TKE’s front lawn because they are after all just a bunch of low tier pussies posing as a frat.
13 years ago at 3:55 pmCongrats on killing it
13 years ago at 4:06 pmSOMEONE didn’t get a bid…
13 years ago at 4:28 pmPffff as if I would even try to rush such a weak establishment, I just want them to stay the hell out of the frat bar and stop embarrassing themselves at intramurals.
13 years ago at 6:26 pmThe only thing lower than Pike is Gamma Delta Iota, the only thing lower than that is TKE.
13 years ago at 6:30 pmgo ahead and tell us how you really feel…
13 years ago at 6:37 pmTKE Pro’s and Con’s
13 years ago at 7:23 pmTheodore: “Two words, NOT FRAT! Three more words, THEY DON’T PULL!”
No bid.
13 years ago at 9:53 pmYou sir are NF for giving way too many fucks about TKE. Making your TFM about them is slightly pathetic and will lead this entire community to believe you in fact did not get a bid.
13 years ago at 10:22 pm^ is a TKE. It’s ok bro, I’m done hazing that sorry excuse for a frat. I’ve totally moved on to bigger and much better things. TFTC.
13 years ago at 11:24 pmPlease take a lap and a swan dive off the fire escape ^
13 years ago at 12:19 amYou know if I didn’t know any better I’d say you are all a little butthurt. Look I’m sorry you guys had to go to an SEC school because every other university questioned whether or not you could actually read and I’m also sorry that TKE was the only frat that gave you a bid but that doesn’t mean you need to come in this thread and cry about it.
13 years ago at 1:45 am1. Being Pathetic, NF
2. Not getting a bid to apparently the lowest tier fraternity on campus. NF
3. Ruining comments of a great tfm to bitch about how you personally aren’t happy. NF
4. Caring so much about a fraternity you’re not a part of. NF
5. Being a whiney little bitch. NF
I can go all day.
13 years ago at 3:29 pmThe points have added up. Someone didn’t get a Bid.
Pissing at the bar becomes pissing in pledges car.
13 years ago at 4:08 pmPissing at the bar becomes pissing on the bar.
13 years ago at 2:44 amYou pass out in your room at the Frat Castle fully clothed, but wake up in the bathroom in your rival fraternity’s house wearing nothing but an apron with a dildo superglued to your neck.
13 years ago at 4:14 pmYou’re trying too hard..
13 years ago at 4:28 pmThis guy…
13 years ago at 9:55 pm^^Fuck you I’ve seen it happen.
13 years ago at 10:12 pmPictures or it didn’t happen
13 years ago at 8:46 amYes^
13 years ago at 5:00 pm“We didn’t start the fire” becomes “The roof, the roof, the roof is on Fire”
13 years ago at 4:22 pm^ This
13 years ago at 4:24 pmYou copy this article from the Whiskey in a can and they’re still only 8%…
13 years ago at 4:28 pmWake up in the morning with animal blood all over your face and a dip in.
13 years ago at 4:39 pmand we’re back. nice work.
13 years ago at 9:46 pmWaking up with a sore knee turns into waking up in a Guatemalan hospital in a full body cast
13 years ago at 5:07 pm