The Natty Daddy

During a recent alcohol-purchasing venture at our neighborhood gas station, one of my pledge brothers noticed Natural Light’s latest offering to our great society – The Natty Daddy. It’s 24 ounces and 8% ABV, so with every one of these you’re essentially downing four regular Natties. They say it’s “brewed with the same all-natural ingredients as Natural Light,” and I don’t know what that means, but here’s what happens if you throw a rager and substitute these in for regular beers:

In lieu of “Wagon Wheel” the whole party sings “Enter Sandman” in unison.

Instead of bumming two Camel Lights you chain-smoke Marlboro Reds.

Nobody tucks their boner.

MIPs turn into PIs.

Girls’ arm muscles look slightly more toned than usual.

Never mind an open-air hand job, there’s going to be a flying 69 on the dance floor.

Less trips back-and-forth between beer trough and beer pong table during spree of dominance.

.08 turns into .32

In your ultra-drunk state you possess the brute retard strength to outrun a bicycle cop that would normally take you down with ease.

People who would usually pass out fully clothed atop their beds are found naked in the front yard.

Your two-minute mid-sex piss break becomes an eight-minute battle with a stiff fire hose.

Instead of that girlish grunt you give during climax, you roar like a lion.

There is no late night trip to Jack in the Box. You sprint into the woods with a hatchet to hunt a wild fucking animal.

Continue the list in the Comments section below…

  1. TotalKappaError

    Your whole chapter goes and drops it’s load on Ohio State TKE’s front lawn because they are after all just a bunch of low tier pussies posing as a frat.

    13 years ago at 3:55 pm
    1. TotalKappaError

      Pffff as if I would even try to rush such a weak establishment, I just want them to stay the hell out of the frat bar and stop embarrassing themselves at intramurals.

      13 years ago at 6:26 pm
    2. TotalKappaError

      The only thing lower than Pike is Gamma Delta Iota, the only thing lower than that is TKE.

      13 years ago at 6:30 pm
    3. TotalKappaError

      TKE Pro’s and Con’s
      Theodore: “Two words, NOT FRAT! Three more words, THEY DON’T PULL!”

      13 years ago at 7:23 pm
    4. americafuckyeah

      You sir are NF for giving way too many fucks about TKE. Making your TFM about them is slightly pathetic and will lead this entire community to believe you in fact did not get a bid.

      13 years ago at 10:22 pm
    5. TotalKappaError

      ^ is a TKE. It’s ok bro, I’m done hazing that sorry excuse for a frat. I’ve totally moved on to bigger and much better things. TFTC.

      13 years ago at 11:24 pm
    6. TotalKappaError

      You know if I didn’t know any better I’d say you are all a little butthurt. Look I’m sorry you guys had to go to an SEC school because every other university questioned whether or not you could actually read and I’m also sorry that TKE was the only frat that gave you a bid but that doesn’t mean you need to come in this thread and cry about it.

      13 years ago at 1:45 am
    7. SEC OR DIE

      1. Being Pathetic, NF
      2. Not getting a bid to apparently the lowest tier fraternity on campus. NF
      3. Ruining comments of a great tfm to bitch about how you personally aren’t happy. NF
      4. Caring so much about a fraternity you’re not a part of. NF
      5. Being a whiney little bitch. NF

      I can go all day.
      The points have added up. Someone didn’t get a Bid.

      13 years ago at 3:29 pm
  2. DirtySouthern

    You pass out in your room at the Frat Castle fully clothed, but wake up in the bathroom in your rival fraternity’s house wearing nothing but an apron with a dildo superglued to your neck.

    13 years ago at 4:14 pm
  3. So_Gentlemen

    “We didn’t start the fire” becomes “The roof, the roof, the roof is on Fire”

    13 years ago at 4:22 pm
  4. Slam And Eggs

    Waking up with a sore knee turns into waking up in a Guatemalan hospital in a full body cast

    13 years ago at 5:07 pm